The world is a dangerous place. Ever day thousands of people are killed by car wrecks, war, earthquakes, tsunamis, and boring celebrity gossip shows. But there are also plenty of things that we do every day that put us at risk or nudge us just slightly closer to death. Why do we continue to do dangerous stuff that we know shortens our life span? Because we are a brilliant, rational, logical species that always acts smart, that’s why. And in case you weren’t aware, we will help educate you on the shit you do every day that’s gonna kill you, so hopefully you will stop doing it, and continue to come back to COED.
1. Sitting on the couch – That’s right: not exercising can give you cancer. Exercising for 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week will greatly reduce your risk of cancer, not to mention all the other illnesses associated with being over weight, out of shape, and a generally unattractive slob. So get out there and walk for 30 minutes, because it doesn’t even have to be that strenuous! Plus, regular exercise greatly improves mood as well.
2. Eating crap – This one may actually be a greater danger than smoking, as the related illnesses are numerous and compounding: heart disease, diabetes, cholesterol, blood pressure, strokes, and cancer. 61% of Americans are overweight and a full 25% are clinically obese, and of these, 300,000 die each year, simply from being fat. It aint pretty.
3. Drinking – There is much confusion concerning the health effects of drinking, as numerous studies have shown that daily alcohol consumption can improve health. The critical piece that is often overlooked is that the rate of consumption is minor: at most 2 glasses per day. Anything beyond that and alcohol greatly worsens whatever condition it might have helped. Liver disease, high blood pressure, and accidents resulting from incredibly stupid drunken behavior are the main causes of alcohol related deaths, of which there are 100,000 in the U.S.
4. Driving like an idiot/teenager – We were all teenagers at one point and we were all susceptible to the flawed judgement characteristic of the age. Some people grow out of it, and others do not. Continuing to act like an adolescent male who is attempting to assert Alpha-male dominance and impress the females is recipe for a firey death. Unfortunately, the driver isn’t the only one at risk, which makes this especially dangerous. More than 100 people die every single day in car accidents in the U.S. Don’t be an idiot.
5. Smoking – Everybody knows smoking is bad for you. The days when tobacco companies attempted to convince us that cigarettes were safe are long gone, and yet, a significant portion of the world continues to suck on those deadly little sticks (which, coincidentally, also make you smell really bad, thus lowering the chance of matting and producing off spring). The commonly accepted mortality rate of cigarettes is 33%. That means if smoke, you have a 1 in 3 chance of dying young from smoking related illness. That adds up to almost 450,000 Americans each year.
6. Hang around people who smoke – Yah, you don’t even have to smoke yourself to be treated to the feast of smoking related diseases: 50,000 Americans die each year from second-hand smoke. So don’t feel bad by asking somebody to not smoke, or to leave if somebody is. Killing themselves is one thing, killing you is just plain insulting.
7. Tanning – over a million Americans are diagnosed with skin cancer every year. Ironically, many of these people go to tanning booths rather than sitting out in the sun, thinking the tanning booths are safer. Wrong wrong wrong: UVA rays from tanning booths are two to three times more powerful than UVA rays from the sun. More than 10,000 Americans die every year from skin cancer. And they look a lot older than they really are when they do, too, because UV exposure destroys your skin, making it leathery and ugly. Oh the irony.
8. Pissing off a gun owner – It’s not guns that kill people, people kill people, right? Sure. But guns make it a whole lot easier. in 2007 there were almost 17,000 murders, but over 12,000 of those were via firearm. And yes, those 12,000 murdered by guns may have been assaulted with some other form of weapon if a gun wasn’t handy, but the fact is that guns have a higher fatality rate than any other weapon. Why else would gun owners, cops, the military etc carry guns? Because they are very effective at killing, that’s why. And the best estimate is that there are over 350 million guns in the US, so be nice. You never know who is packing.