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5 Reasons Why We Need Teleportation Now

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Beam me up Scotty; there is no intelligence life down here. Captain Kirk and the rest of the Star Trek crew had it right when they utilized the teleportation system to get from point A to point B. The traditional methods of moving around are not good enough to get the job done anymore; they are too dangerous. However, with the need to go to crazy places like work, school, dates, vacation, and most importantly the bar—we need to travel. Travel simply sucks these days, but if we could teleport it would not be half bad and the pitfalls that plague most travel methods would not be an issue.

Driving

Cars can be cool, but with the price of gas these days it can be a pain in the pocketbook to even drive to the gas station and fill up. Then there is that pesky insurance thing, cops padding the state budget by pulling you over (why make cars that can go 100 mph if we are never allowed to go that fast? The car companies are setting us up! It’s a conspiracy!).

How much time do you think the average person waste in traffic jams too? It’s probably nothing compared to the poor people in China that have been stuck in a 60 mile traffic jam for almost two weeks with no end in sight (as of August 24th). And all because they needed some more soy sauce for the noodles…

Sailing

If the intense power of the sea does not scare the fecal matter out of you (see The Perfect Storm, White Squall, and the Poseidon Adventure). The number of idiot kids that seem to think that they should travel around the world by themselves should. Run into one of these rocket scientists and you are bound for trouble.

One has to wonder how unpopular they must be with the other kids in school that they want to confine themselves to a small boat for months. Aren’t they supposed to be in school anyway? Then again maybe that’s the only way their parents can get them to stop playing video games…

Plane

Forget terrorists or freak weather accidents or even gremlins ripping apart the wing Twilight Zone style—I’m scared of what some of these crazy flight attendants might do. The guy that told off an unruly passenger recently has made headlines, but he’s nothing compared to some of the people that are supposed to feed us drinks in the friendly skies.

A lady was travelling with her 19 month old son and after an 11-hour layover in Houston was finally leaving on her Continental flight. In an effort to occupy her son until he could fall asleep she pointed at another plane outside; her son responded with a cute, ‘bye bye plane.

To make the long story short, the flight attendant told the lady to shut her kid up and suggested that she drug her child in order to do so. When she refused, the flight attendant told the pilot that there was a passenger making threats so he turned the plane around and went back to the gate. The poor lady was told that she would be taken off by police if she did not leave so she and her now sleeping son were stuck in Houston even longer.

Who knew that with the power to dispense tiny bottles of alcohol came with the ability to randomly kick people off of planes?

Cycling

Let’s be real people. Yes, it is a great way to see the country side when on vacation, but isn’t the purpose of a vacation to relax and take it easy? You can talk about the environment all day long, but I thought the purpose of modern technology was to make life easier?

With all the cycling that Lance Armstrong has done it sure has not done him many favors.

Weather Disasters

With all the best vacation spots in the world buried deep off on the road less traveled. All the so called modern travel conveniences are essentially worthless when you need them most. Every summer it seems that one vacation paradise after another gets decimated by a hurricane or some other freak force of nature. As of the beaten path as they are we have no choice but to ride out the storm and hope we come out alive when it is all over. Sure would be nice to be able to beam on out of there when Hurricane Edward is bearing down on you!

Then again, the whole travel insurance thing would be worthless without these disasters. I sense a conspiracy…

COED Writer