How To Get Girls Without Losing Weight

What do Vince Vaughn and Brad Pitt have in common? They both got with Jennifer Aniston. So why waste time in the gym if you can look like the Michelin Man and still pull tens? Here are a few tips on how to stay fat, and still pick up chicks.

Be funny. Everybody loves a comedian. If you are funny and outgoing, girls will forget the six pack and go with the beer belly. Just look at Kevin James… dude is cleaning up. They say if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything. I bet Marilyn Monroe was in to the funny fat guys…

Be rich. Imma tell you like Wu told me, cash rules everything around me. Take the advice of rapper Fat Joe and make it rain. This guy actually calls himself fat and I bet he could take down any chick in this video. To bad for me I can’t even make it humid.

Be famous. Case in point as mentioned above. Vince Vaughn. I don’t know about the rest of you, but this dude isn’t even funny. Swingers… so money… but Couples Retreat? Come on now. That puffy son of a probably nice woman is taking down this dime. Just got married too… way to “lock it up.”

Be a nice guy. I’m not going to sit here and rant about how “nice guys finish first” and all that nonsense… but a hopeless romantic like myself, I must believe it to be true. Just be a nice guy, buy her a drink, and who knows what will happen. And thank the lord that nice guys finish first, because we both know my overweight ass isn’t crossing the finish line anytime soon.

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