5 Hypothetically Awesome Travel Mergers

Recently Continental and United joined forces to create the largest airline in the world. While that is certainly bound to mean something to many frequent fliers,  to most of us it means one main thing — one less airline to search for when looking for weekend getaway deals. Merge, merge, merge. Business seems to love to do that merge thing. If they were going to do it though, why not at least make it interesting and merge with something a little unique? Like your favorite sports bar and a laundry mat? You can watch the game, have a few drinks with the guys, and wash your wing-stained shirt all on the same flight.

The following are five mergers we wish the travel industry would consider. Until then, we’re going to have to road trip it.

Hooters and Delta

After the merger between Continental and United, Delta needs to do something in order to stay relevant. Merging with the Hooters airline would easily give Delta the best airline food in the world — and give Hooters Air a fair chance. I think more people might actually ‘listen’ to the pre-flight talk when one of the Hooters girls giving it. Buckling your seat belt properly never seemed quite so erotic.


Southwest Airlines and Playboy

Southwest Airlines already brags about not charging people for bags (which is nice), but with the aforementioned mergers they will need to do something to remain competitive too. Since they do not really have any service in the air anymore, why not let former Playmates be flight attendants? Folks will still not expect them to do anything, but stand where they can see them. Maybe a wet t-shirt contest would be nice too.


Scores and the Staten Island Ferry

The stripper poles would not really work on the airlines or otherwise this merger would be great in the friendly skies. Folks would sure not mind riding the ferry if they were able to spend their transit time getting a lesson in physics watching ‘Mandy’ slide down the pole with her humongous, fake breasts.


Greyhound and any escort service

This would only work if Greyhound were able to successfully convince the U.S. government that its busses were all actually part of Las Vegas. If you’ve ever taken a bus trip though, you’ll agree that a little companionship would be nice along the way. At the very least, this would actually make Greyhound less sketchy.


Travel Agencies and television’s “Gladiator”

You go in thinking that this person is going to actually work to get you the best deal possible. Two hours later they tell you the same thing you discovered after 10 minutes on Yahoo! Travel. What if you battled the Gladiators for the best deal though? Win an event and get a $100 knocked off! Suddenly every travel deal becomes a matter of getting a cheap hotel room or getting a black eye.

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