Top 7 Ass-Getting Hollywood Assclowns


Brian Austin Greene made some kind of pact with the devil last night because he somehow convinced his on-again off-again girlfriend Megan Fox to marry him. And sadly he’s not the only undeserving assclown in Hollywood who manages to hook up with some of Hollywood’s A-list hotties. Here are 6 other guys who have seen far more sexy celebrity ass than anyone from their high school class would have ever predicted.


Wilmer Valderrama

What can I possibly say about this guy? He played Fez on That 70’s Show, the most annoying foreign guy on TV since Balky, but somehow he hooks up with the sexiest starlets in all of Hollywood. This guy’s babe roster is second only to Derek Jeter and Leonardo Di Caprio. Total D-bag, but we’d take his sloppy seconds any day.



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Brian Austin Green

Brian Austin Green made a name for himself playing David Silver in the popular 90’s TV drama Beverly Hills 90210. He was a total ass in the 90’s, which makes him a retro-D-bag. Green is lucky enough to say he hooked up with Kelly Kapowsky during her hot years in the 90’s, and is currently dating the 2008’s Sexiest Woman in the World, Megan Fox, who recently said she would rather stay at home all day having sex with Green then leave the house. Someone punch this guy in the nuts already…


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Talan Torriero

Talan was a star of the early seasons of MTV’s “Laguna Beach.” Talan is a perfect representation of the new school of celebrity that can thank reality TV for their “stardom.” Ironically, it is all of the reality TV peeps who have the biggest chips on their shoulders, and Talan is no exception. He had a relationship with Kristen Cavallari on the show, and was known as the jock of the group. He went on to have a nine-day engagement to Sexy Rock Spawn Kimberly Stewart, and has tried and failed in his attempt to build a music career of his own. Can’t knock the guy though, because he’s gotten it on with some pretty good looking babes, including the lead singer of The Pussycat Dolls. Who’s on your list?



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Adam Duritz

Lucky Son-of-a-Bitch #1 is Adam Duritz, lead singer of the ‘Counting Crows.” He looks like the bastard child of Sideshow Bob and Joey Ramone’s corpse. Over the course of 15 years, he has bagged some of the sexiest leading ladies in Hollywood–including the daughter of Donald Trump and John Mayer’s new squeeze, Jennifer Aniston.



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Criss Angel

To you and us, Criss Angel is just another fruit cake with a funny hair cut. His shows are half Jackass and half David Blaine mixed with hepatitis. But this TV D-bag magician knows how to work the magic on some of Hollywood’s sexiest starlets. The first time we laid eyes on him, we had him pegged for a gay–but if you can tag Pam Anderson, you are straight enough.



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You know Benji and Joel Madden from the pop punk band Good Charlotte. One of the Madden brothers recently had a baby with one of our Sexiest Rock Star Spawns while the other is dating her best friend… such a quaint love triangle. Don’t let them fool you into believing they are settling down, these guys have a long history of hooking up with some of Hollywood’s elite, and they’ll be back in the game soon enough. They may think they are hardcore punk/rock, but any one who was a part of “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous” is pop. Sorry dudes, pose away!

Benji (Right)


Joel (Left)




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Who Is The Least Deserving Assclown?

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