No matter how much you’ve grown to hate your significant other, breaking-up is never fun or enjoyable or satisfying. It’s a painful process full of tears, yelling, and a lot of “why did you cheat on me with my best friend?” Avoid as much drama as possible by taking our expert advice.
1. First and foremost, do it in person: If I have learned nothing else from Joe Jonas (and trust me, I haven’t) it is that the text message approach to severing ties is not the best career move. Nobody deserves to be dumped via text message, instant message, email, phone call, or homing pigeon. If you don’t want your ex writing songs about how much of a loser you are, have the decency to break up in person.
2. Be strategic when choosing location. There is nothing worse than a sobbing twenty-something sitting at the corner table at Red Lobster. Don’t think just because you’re in public she won’t make a scene. The last thing anybody needs is mall security aiding them in their break up. It’s your business, keep it that way.
3. Be honest and be quick. Nobody likes a long, drawn out explanation about why their character won’t be returning for another season.
4. If it is her breaking up with you… take the hint! The break up conversation is difficult, we know this. Refrain from asking every hard question about why you are currently being ditched. Take your ex’s explanation and be done with it, because sometimes, she’s just not that into you.
5. Finally, who says you can’t be friends? At first it might not be easy, but don’t burn the bridge completely Brad Pitt. Somewhere down the road it might be nice to have a civil conversation with Jen again.
There. Now isn’t that easy? Probably not. P.S. DON’T CHEAT. Nothing tarnishes your good-boy image like having sex with prostitutes, porn stars and cocktail waitress while your wife stays home with the kids to clean your golf clubs. When the deed needs to be done, take your sponsor’s advise and just do it.