Movies This Week: May 14th, 2010

Iron Man 2 straight up murdered the box office last weekend with Babies surpassing expectations with a per screen average of close to $4k. Kick-Ass fell out of the top 10 despite good word of mouth and Nightmare on Elm Street held strong at #2 even with a 72% decline from the previous weekend. This weekend’s entries features a prince of thieves, roundball romance, rekindling of long lost love, divorced dads, intercontinental scheming, crazy old soccer hooligans, and a Hawaiian princess I’d love to cover in poi sauce.

Just Wright Movie Poster

Yet So Wrong ©2010 Fox Searchlight

Just Wright
This comedy from Fox Searchlight stars Queen Latifah as a physical therapist named Leslie Wright who falls for fictitious NBA All-Star Scott McKnight who’s played by Common. In a classic romantic triangle offense, McKnight looks to post up on Wright’s childhood friend Morgan, who is merely looking to sign that ultimate contract as trophy wife. Hey, McKnight, it’s pretty easy, dude. Talk to your teammates. Marry the trophy wife and receive “happy endings” from the trainer. This isn’t rocket science. It’s Houston Rocket science. Of course, your wife might try to claim you engaged in foreplay with your mistress in front of your two sons, or con you out of millions, but life’s short, play hard, just do it. THAT is juuuuuuuuuuuuuust Wright!

Letters To Juliet Movie Poster

Even Romeo Says Return To Sender ©2010 Summit Entertainment

Letters to Juliet
Summit Entertainment releases this romance about Sophie, a young woman who travels to Italy and is kidnapped then forced into sex slavery. No, wait. That’s not it. She’s kidnapped and tortured. No? She’s kidnapped and forced to be a part of a mad scientist’s plan to become one segment of a human centipede. No? You’re telling me she’s not kidnapped at all? Oh, she just finds a long lost letter addressed to the fictional character Juliet from Bill Shakespeare’s play and urges the woman who wrote the letter to find her long lost love? That’s even more depraved than I thought! Sophie, of course, also finds love because if she didn’t we’d have to read about it on her emo blog. Amanda Seyfried is back to playing wholesome after going whore-some in Chloe. The late Vanessa Redgrave plays Claire, the grandmother who wrote the letter some 50 years prior.

Robin Hood Movie Poster

Real (Angry) Men Wear Tights ©2010 Universal Pictures

Robin Hood
Universal Pictures cranks up the Robin Hood machine yet again, this time with Academy Award whiner (ha!) Russell Crowe playing the prince of paupers. Crowe re-teams with Ridley Scott (Alien, Blade Runner, American Gangster) to bring you a carbon copy of Gladiator, er, I mean, “the untold story of how the man became a legend” and one of COED’s most anticipated movies of 2010. Yeah, I think I’ve been told this story before, it’s called, “I Am Legend” and Will Smith didn’t need a bunch of marauders to earn that title. In this too tall tale, Robin’s an expert archer who takes on a double agent (damn the French!) after the death of King Richard and falls for widowed wife Maid Marian played by Cate Blanchett. Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. Who IS this dude? Obama?

Daddy Longlegs Movie Poster

Daddy like longs legs © 2010 IFC Films

Daddy Longlegs
IFC’s “anti-epic blockbuster” dramedy focuses on a divorced father who can only have custody of his two sons for two weeks a year. Dad = vacation, Mom = work. That’s just the first impression I get from that kind of deal. Let’s face it, Dad gets the kids for 3.85% of the year, he’s need trying to cram all kinds of life lessons into their impressionable minds, he’s straight up corrupting them. It’s like Thunderdome at that point. You’re going to scold him for peeing on the sidewalk or are you going to join him so he can tell that bitch mother how much you rule? Exactly. The Village Voice called it, “A love letter to New York City… that looks like a relic of the late ’70s, but feels urgent.” So urgent. Which are lyrics from an ’80s song, Pops.

Here and There Movie Poster

Question is, "Where do you J.O.?" ©2010 Cinema Purgatorio

Here and There
Cinema Purgatorio’s international dramedy follows Robert, a depressed New Yorker (is there any other kind?), who believes he can get rich quick in Serbia but hits the jackpot of humanity and compassion there instead. What a jip. Interconnected with Bobby Soulfinder’s storyline is the formidable struggle of Branko, a young Serbian immigrant (is there any other kind?) who fights tooth and nail to bring his girlfriend from their homeland to the Big Apple. Branko, my man, you’re in the Home Depot or Sam’s Club of single women. Your gf will get over it. Seriously. The soundtrack features an original song by Celebrity Apprentice star / 80s icon Cyndi Lauper who also appears in the film. She’s also married to the guy who plays Robert, which shows his acting chops. How can you play depressed when married to a girl who just wants to have fun?

Looking For Eric Movie Poster

Check the bargain bin at Walmart ©2010 IFC Films

Looking for Eric
IFC’s limited release comedy follows Eric, a MAILMAN who is a diehard SOCCER fan that must deal with the ex-wife he abandoned after the birth of their first child while watching his granddaughter whose father is hiding a gun in the house for a notorious gangster.  Ater contemplating suicide, Eric has hallucinations of his soccer hero who dispenses advice periodically. Sort of like when Christian Slater sees Val Kilmer as Elvis in True Romance, but with more Brit-tastic lingo and inside jokes about hooliganism. Rejuvenated and determined, Eric sets out to repair his relationship with his ex-wife and return the gun to the gangster but then YouTube is somehow used as blackmail. It’s a British comedy, what do you expect?

Princess Kaiulani Movie Poster

She's a royal tease... ©2010 Roadside Attractions

Princess Kaiulani
Roadside Attractions releases this story about The Sheraton Hotel in Oahu, ah, sorry, the life of one of the last heirs to the throne of the kingdom of Hawaii. I’m guessing approaching royalty and saying, “come-on-you-wanna-lei-me” might end in several limbs being cut off. Apparently the producers took many liberties with the portrayal of her life, skimping on details, and the original title itself caused controversy. However, the film’s debut in October 2009 sold out, so details schmeetails. Aloha, broham!

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