Enough boyfriends were either persuasive enough to convince their girlfriends that Date Night wasn’t worth the price tag or there aren’t enough couples out there, because Clash of the Tighty Whities managed to just beat out Date Night at the B.O. Speaking of body odor, this post reeks of puns, quips, and oh-snaps about funerals, graffiti, less than super heroes, hunks, and Cheech Marin. Actually, Cheech is off limits ever since the lawsuit. My money’s on Kick-Ass to make a run at Date Night for top comedy of the weekend, but can it conquer Clash? If only it were in (crappy) 3-D!
I’m surprised the tagline wasn’t “Putting the ‘fun’ in funeral!” Sony Pictures must’ve cited the success of the American “The Office” when justifying this American adaptation of a 2007 British film of the same name. Someone forgot to point out Coupling. In any case, democracy’s freer version carries an R-rating and has a star-studded ensemble cast that includes Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Tracy Morgan, Zoe Saldana, Luke Wilson, and Danny Glover. Smells like success (or teen spirit?) but does anyone remember the Big Bounce or America’s Sweethearts? Chris Rock’s listed as a producer, so let’s hope he kept it real… real f’n funny. I’m here all night. Tip your waitress.
Does this mark the first time Nic Cage is in a movie and isn’t in every single frickin’ promo, poster, trailer, etc.? Is it also the first movie that Elvis Coppolla (Cage) doesn’t have a ridiculous haircut? Tom Hanks is quietly pumping his fist in celebration knowing that he’ll take home the “Most Consecutive Horrible Haircuts in Starring Roles” title. That said, Kick-Ass does look fairly kick ass. It’s based on the comic book of the same name by Mark Millar whose best work includes comics featuring Superman, Wolverine, and Spider-Man. Not too shabby. He also won the Stan Lee award, so I guess that means he’ll be showing up in every Marvel movie from here til eternity. Lastly, real life superheroes? Didn’t these dudes watch Dark Knight? You’re gonna get sliced up by The Joker. Oh… he died? Of what? I need to read more internet.
Anthony Hopkins and Laura Linney star in this dramatic thriller (driller?) based on Peter Camron’s novel of the same name. WTF, studios and producers! Does every movie have to be based on something? Are we ,as a nation, unwilling to take a risk on something that hasn’t already proven itself? Cripes. The film had its official world premiere at the International Rome Film Festival and also played at the Tokyo International Film Festival. It follows a grad student who travels to Uruguay to write a bio about an obscure deceased writer. Wait, is this another sequel in The Final Destination franchise? Geez!
Anonymous street artist Banksy is up to his kooky ways again, this time in a quirky documentary that premiered at Sundance and also features the works of “HOPE” poster creator and “Obey Giant” producer Shepard Fairey. If the trailer is any indication, this will be a laugh riot. Literally, the streets will run red with the chaos, destruction, and mayhem caused by indulging in humor. Filling in as narrator is Rhys fans of Notting Hill and Little Nicky fame. “Fame” might be stretching it. He’s also in the upcoming Harry Potter movie. I wonder if you played his narration of Exit over the new Harry Potter, you’d trip your balls off? I wonder.
Steve Buscemi plays Tom Kelly, a Navy vet on his deathbed asks a buddy he hasn’t seen in three decades to seek forgiveness from a former ally that he’s done wrong. Mostly because he doesn’t want to go to Hell. Why not? I mean, you’ll get a tan. The storyline analyzes Harry (played by Jamey Sheridan) struggling with this life altering event that he and his compadres have buried way down deep. Sort of like the Code Red in “A Few Good Men” – who ordered it and who can handle its truths? This intense drama will keep you guessing. Let’s hope they don’t go all “The Happening” Shyamalan on us at the end.
A lot of people want to keep up with the Joneses. It’s the American way. But this dramedy from Roadside Attractions stars the Ashton Kutcher’s wifey and a sex addict – THAT is not hard to keep up with. It’s pretty basic math. Ashton should be on high alert. His precious cougar is about to be stuffed and mounted. Wow. That was harsh. I apologize. As a sex addict, I’d say Captain Californication should probably try his hand with Amber Heard. BUTT, I digress. The film centers around a seemingly picture-perfect family that moves into a suburban neighborhood and gain immediate acceptance and adoration. To quote SCary Movie, “But wait, there’s more!” They’re actually actors hired by a marketing firm to help promote high end merch. Pfft, what a joke. So unreal. (The new Bose speakers are the bomb, you guys)
No One Knows About Persian Cats
Except this guy (*points to self*). This Iranian drama from IFC Films goes beneath the streets to explore Fraggle Rock…sorry, underground rock as two aspiring musicians attempt to flee to Europe after getting out of prison. They only have two problems: cash and a passport. Haven’t these kids ever heard of “selling your body”? Don’t give me that crap about Iran being so oppressive they’d murder you on the spot for offering a handy. Everyone has needs. And my money says that guard at the border or train/bus/airport is just dying to feel the touch of another. Let’s put the O-face in oppression. Oh, it also won the Special Jury Prize at Cannes.
I hate the St. Louis Cardinals. First of all, they beat my Mets in the 2006 NLCS then they fire Cesar Faz (Clifton Collins, Jr.) from his janitorial job in this drama from IndustryWorks, which – SURPRISE! – is based upon the 2008 book of the same name.After getting canned, Cesar moves back to Monterrey where he meets a group of young stoners led by Padre Esteban who’s played by Cheech Marin. That’s unfair, they’re not stoners just because Cheech has the Father, The Son, and The Holy Chronic on his side. What is fair is the kids’ game, which gives them the confidence and enthusiasm to start Montery’s first ever Little League team and eventually enter international competition. See that, St. Louis? How are you urinal cakes and toilet paper inventory now?! One interesting side note: A documentary about this very team was released in 1960 and it was called, “Los pequeños gigantes” (translation: The Little Giants). Why didn’t it do well? Because they didn’t have the Annexation of Puerto Rico play back then.
El Secreto de Sus Ojos (The Secret in Their Eyes)
This Argentine dramatic crime film from Sony Classics, is… dear God… based on a novel of a DIFFERENT name. Well, at least, someone’s thinking outside the box. The film won the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film and has become the second most successful box office success in Argentine film history behind Air Bud Goes To Argentina. Story focuses on a man intent on solving a murder 25 years after it happened. My advice? Just watch Cold Case with SAP turned on. I tried to uncover the secret in my girlfriend’s eyes once, but man, there was blood EVERYWHERE. Let sleeping dogs lie, know what I mean?