Hollywood's 5 Best One-Man Killing Machines


These men are true bad men. We watch them in action and feel as if we are kicking the butt of a hundred bad guys and saving the day all by ourselves! Women adore them, bad guys fear them, and the rest of us want to be them. They make us feel safe at night. They make us feel proud to be an American.
Hollywood has been enamored with the one man army for some time. It is hard to explain, but there just seems to be something that people love about watching one guy stand amidst a hail storm of bullets being fired at him by hundreds of enemy troops — all missing of course — while he systematically wipes out the whole bad guy army. That kind of stuff happens, you know.
In honor of those Supermen, the crack research team at COED compiled a list of five of the most memorable one man armies. After hours of chest-thumping, testosterone-filled video watching, the manly research team at COED has succeeded in creating a list of guys that just can’t seem to die, but sure have a knack for being able to kill everyone. Worship at their feet men.
John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) in Commando: how can you not get behind a guy that just wants to save his little girl? Impossible, right? When she is kidnapped by a mercenary working for an ousted dictator we want to see the bad guys stomped even more. It is no surprise that this guy is no longer in charge of his country — they can’t hit someone the size of an outhouse! Instead that walking outhouse kills 78 of them, saves his daughter, beats up his nemesis, foils the evil dictator, and lives happily ever after (no wonder why he got elected governor). This would actually be the most that Arnold would kill in any single movie.
John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone): the first one was an excellent film, but the rest were glorified action kill-fests. The last was easily the worst movie, yet it held the highest body count (87). His kills while trying to save the POWs (51) and his commanding officer (72) are the best. His ability to hide in a Vietnamese jungle and a Middle Eastern desert and kill people all while being a giant white guy almost makes you proud to be an American. Now if only director James Cameron had used his Avatar talents with these cinema classics…
Colonel James Braddock (Chuck Norris): Chuck had already cemented his status as a bad man by showing up in a Bruce Lee movie. He became iconic as a figure against the fight against terror and for the honor of Vietnam War veterans everywhere in Missing in Action. Prisoner of war Chuck believed that variety is the spice of life by using bombs, bullets, knives, and his bare hands to kill 59 bad guys. Count nasty, man-eating hungry rats and he used his teeth too. He would eventually sully his good name by making Walker Texas Ranger — who could not kill anybody. Wimp.
El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas): So you want to see what’s in the guitar case? The art of the one man army did not die with the end of the 80s, but was in fact reborn in Antonio Banderas’s coolest role ever as the revenge obsessed Mariachi in Desperado. He traveled through Mexico in search of the man who killed his beloved, armed with a guitar case filled with weapons. Mariachi killed any and all bad guys that got in his way. If you ever needed proof that drugs are a bad thing, watch as 53 of these idiots can’t hit Banderas when they have him surrounded with guns drawn (in Desperado). Age caught up with him some in  the 2003 sequel, Once Upon a Time in Mexico when he only managed to kill 39. Slacker.
Topper Harley (Charlie Sheen): yes, I said Topper Harley. The doofus managed to knock off over a hundred bad guys in Hot Shots Part Deaux (103). No one can actually remember why he was killing anyone in that movie, but he sure made it seem pretty funny though.

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