How to Survive A Bar Crawl

Gentlemen, there is a time when we all have to listen to that little voice inside our heads, not the one telling you to run naked through the woman’s locker at the Y, but rather the animal like instinct we all have deep inside us. It says, live a little, take off your tie, throw down your text books, and take that leap into the wonderful world of spirits, beer, and that fifth shot of Jager you don’t really need. How to leap into this world? Try a bar crawl.
A once monthly, or even once annually pub crawl is good for the soul. It opens your eyes to the underground world around you and gets the blood flowing. In fact for years people have been saying: “one beer a day keeps the doctor away” or something like that. Yet when it’s all said and done, how can you drink all night and come away at least half sober in time to shit, shower and shave the next morning? There is a proper way to go on a bender and if you follow these guideline before you leave the house, or office, you set yourself up for a more successful morning. Above anything, these guidelines are meant to allow you the freedom to go out on any given week night you so rightfully choose (they don’t call Wednesday hump day for nothing).

1. If you start drinking early, snack, don’t dine.

Any drinker in their right mind knows not to drink on an empty stomach. But there are still those who make the amateur mistake of eating too much while out on the town. It’s better to order appetizers instead of that 12 oz. rib eye you’ve been craving (unless you want to be home by 10 cuddled up to a box of Rolaids). Snacking the night away while out drinking helps break down the carbohydrates in the alcohol, effectively giving you the power to space out your drinking. Also, drinking on an empty stomach can give you bad breath (from the acids in your stomach being brought up) and leave you feeling like crap the next morning. Food helps you’re body absorb, so help your body  by going for snacks like nachos, breads, pretzels etc.


2. Organize and Transport.

The biggest issues with a bar hop or pub crawl is organizing the events and transportation for you and the rest of your gang. You might want to arrange car sharing or splitting a taxi between as many friends as possible. Call up bar owners before hand and arrange for tables to be set aside, the night will flow that much easier for you and your friends. Also the bars are much more inclined to hand out free drinks when you call ahead. No one pokes fun at the guy who over plans, it’s the poor planners who think the night will just take shape that hear the most grief.

3. Understand your environment.

Once you realize what bars you’re heading to, you can step outside the box and be creative with your drink orders. Think of ordering drinks as though you are ordering from a menu. If you are at a western bar, order whiskey and a light beer. If your at a Japanese bar, go for something more exotic. Be creative, but do not get carried away — one or two drinks per bar is just right.




4. Hydrate.

Don’t pretend alcohol doesn’t have any side effects on you…you’re only human. Alcohol after all is a diuretic, which means it encourages the body to lose more water than it takes on by halting the production of the body’s anti-diuretic hormone.  The loss of fluids and vitamins  causes what we call a hangover. As a rule of thumb you should follow an alcoholic beverage with a glass of water. You may think it’s lame, but the only thing that is lame is losing out on the next day because you have a killer headache.

5. Always have a drinking buddy.

You’re out late, and alone. You are looking for your friends who got into an unmarked cab and drove off into the crowded city. Since you are beyond normal comprehension you stumble down a dark ally and then BOOM your mugged. Rewind: how can we avoid this scenario from actually playing out? Easy, stick with a buddy. At the beginning of the night yell out the name of a friend; Mark, Tim, or Brian and claim him as your drinking buddy, put a mark on his arm it doesn’t matter. Make a pact with him that you’ll stick together socially for the night, it makes for easier conversations at the bar and a quick and easy getaway at night.


You’ll know you survived if you don’t wake up like this:


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