We know, we know. We complain a lot about everything you do. From the way you clip your toenails on the couch to the way you refuse to put a shirt on when indoors. But you know what? Deep down we really do love all those silly, crazy, smelly things you do. And do you know why?–it’s because we love YOU dammit! Here is a list of ten things we secretly love about you.
1. We love when you fart! Even though we may appear grossed out and pissed off, we secretly we love it when you fart. Especially when you do it in bed and insist on putting our heads under the covers just so we can get an especially good whiff. We love it because it’s YOURS — and because every girl gets turned on by a good old-fashioned dutch oven.
2. It’s really cute when you forget our birthdays! Forgot Christmas, our birthday, and our anniversary? Phaah. We love how you tell us that everyday with us is a holiday! Besides we know you have plenty on your mind (sports stats, your latest Xbox scores, how come you weren’t one of the two men Megan Fox slept with), so if you’ve forgotten any of these silly dates this year…whatever. Those dates will come round again next year. And truthfully, YOU are the real gift!
3. Your unshowered odor drives us wild! We love it when you’re sweaty and smelly, like you haven’t bathed in a month. Because after all it’s YOUR smell and we’re just so incredibly thankful to have YOU (foul smells and all!). You know what? Let’s just uninstall the shower and make the bathroom a game room instead.
4. We love your wacky style! Those Ed Hardy t-shirts with the giant designs on the front (or even better, the button downs with the giant designs on the back) are SO cute. Better yet, we love it when you combine them with any of the following– sweatbands, sweatpants with the elastic in the bottom, slip on sandals, and over-sized plastic sunglasses with giant designers names on the side. Oh God, just thinking about it turns me on!
5. Forgot to put the toilet seat down? That’s okay! You left the toilet seat up again?! No problem. It’s our fault for having to pee in the middle of the night. Plus, we have to thank YOU for giving us the exercise of having to pick ourselves up from out of the bowl. And let’s be honest, we probably need the exercise anyways.
6. Constantly Talking on The Phone When you’re With Us? No Problem! We love how responsible you are. So making sure that you’re always available to talk to your friends on the phone (even while you’re at a romantic restaurant with us) is another one of those crazy things we love about you!
7. We love how you’re so creative with your dirty clothes! So you’re a little messy and you leave your dirty underwear all over the bedroom floor. Who cares if we occasionally find smelly socks in couch cushions?We actually look forward to the day when we can have children, so this is actually good practice for us!
8. Talking about yourself, Again?! Tell us more! We love it when you brag about yourself. It makes us feel all feminine, safe and protected. And after all, YOU are the MAN! What could we possibly have to say that’s more interesting than what you’re saying?
9. So you like to look at other women…that’s fine! We know those eyes of yours have a tendency to wander , so looking at other women?–whatever. Again, this gives us some enlightenment as to what we’re doing wrong or how we should be dressing. So thanks in advance for the wonderful visual lesson.
10. When it comes to sex, it’s all about you! So, you have a tendency to be a little selfish in bed. After a hard day at work, nothing makes us happier than to sexually please you, over and over and over. Don’t even think about pleasing us! It would just make us feel awkward and selfish.