There are two issues that get constantly put in front of congress. The right to smoke pot, and the right for gays to marry. Both of these harmless acts, smoking and gaying, have numerous supporters and protesters on both sides of the spectrum. Here are a few reasons why smoking pot is going to be legalized before smoking pole.
1.) The protest of, ‘just try it,’ is much more likely to have a positive reaction for marijuana use than for anal loving. But that isn’t necessarily bad news for gay marriage. Once pot is legalized and its soothing smoke seeps into congress, people will start to care less about things, and gay marriage will be legalized with a simple, “whatever.” It might take a few extra sessions for anything to get accomplished, but eventually, gay marriage will be knocked off of the ‘to do’ list.
2.) God doesn’t hate pot. There is a narrow minded argument floating around that God hates gays. He just does. I don’t know why, I guess he’s just a prick. And after all, gays weren’t created in his image, they were corrupted when they caught the highly contagious homolaria, a creation of Satan not Yaweh.
But pot? How can you argue that God didn’t create marijuana. It’s a plant. Even if God doesn’t exist, he probably created pot.
3.) You can’t sell gays. When marijuana is finally legalized, it will be a huge cash crop for our government. It just makes sense financially. When marijuana finally gets legalized, we will be able to claw our debt stricken country back to the top of the economic food chain through a forest of “sticky ickie.”
After all, it’s not about what our country can do for us, it’s about what gay marriage can do for our country. Maybe they will legalize gay marriage when they figure out a way to tax rainbows and mustaches.
4.) There is a minimum of 15 years before a new milestone in civil rights can be placed. Sorry gay rights, it’s just science. With the election of a black president in 2008, civil rights wont be eligible until 2023 to take another step forward. And by that time, gay marriage will have to fight to beat out our first elected emo congressman, equal wages for women, and the emancipation of robots. It could be a long time before gays get equal rights.
5.) No Hollywood movement. Stoner films have been around for the past forty years. Cheech and Chong made us laugh at the illegal, but harmless exploits, of two pot heads for years. I don’t see any Cheeks and Dongs movies coming out any time soon. Marijuana has already seeped into our culture through movies and music, and has created countless icons. There were the 60’s, Bob Marley, The Grateful Dead, Sublime, any rapper excluding Will Smith, Outside Providence, and Seth Rogen. I can’t think of one Hollywood Icon that can properly represent gay rights.
Well, I guess there was Judy Garland. And that whole butch look thing was modeled off of Brando. Madonna and Brittney had that kiss, and that cowboy movie won a couple Oscars. Oh and what about Milk, and Ellen, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and I’m pretty sure Michael Cera.
I guess there is hope after all. If we could only tax mustaches…