10 Athletes Who Royally Screwed Up.


The on-court/field/probation athlete regarded by the average sports fan could be described as a hero, an idol, or just another overpaid employee that can jump higher than most people. Off the field though, that athlete has a life to live and loves to entertain all aspects of society whether they want to or not.

Their off the field antics have filled many of our days with laughs and give us meaning in our bland, cocaine-less and prostitute-less lives. While many beloved athletes maintain to stay out of the tabloid eyes, there are plenty of superstars from around the sporting world that could fill an entire National Enquirer.

What’s not to believe?

Of all the allegations today amongst athletes from Tiger Woods being the modern day Zack Morris and Gilbert Arenas trying to play real life Contra in the Washington Wizards locker room, our sports heroes have been entertaining us for years and losing their minds in the process.

10: Dontrelle Willis proves he is just like the rest of us.

Just start with the name and soak it in. With a name like Dontrelle, surely illegal activities will play a part in any type of career the starting pitcher would have if baseball did not end up paying off and sure enough we got it. Willis is better known for his quirky leg kick when pitching and having a near Cy Young season in only his third year in the league when he posted a 22-10 record.

What most people don’t know about Willis is though that when you look past the numbers, the fancy jersey, and the millions of dollars, he is just like us in all his indecent exposure glory.

When you gotta go, you gotta do it in public.

At 4am on December 22, 2006 in South Beach, a police officer had noticed Willis’ Bentley double-parked and following this, also noticed a drunk Willis urinating on the street. Willis was reported to have watery-eyes, slurred speech, and appeared confused and disoriented or in simpler terms Dontrelle was pretty freaking wasted. Now this isn’t a major case of athletic stupidity, nor is it career ending, in fact most of you that are reading this right now have done this many times.

The difference is he’s Dontrelle Willis and you’re not. Sucks for you?


9: Sticky Ricky Williams goes North of the Border

There is no denying that Ricky Williams is a good running back and has had quite the impact on the New Orleans Saints and Miami Dolphins, but when he’s not tearing up the grass, he’s smoking it, holistic medicine, and playing football in Canada.


Williams has always been known to be an odd fellow and has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder which has hampered him throughout his NFL career and proving that if you can be big, scary, and run twice as fast as the average human being, then being weird should cause no problem in life(Take notes Chess Club). Ricky was suspended four times for marijuana while a member of the Dolphins before eventually retiring and joining the CFL.

Ricky is now a member of the Dolphins once again, but the weird has never left. Williams is a qualified Yoga instructor, a vegetarian, and a member of PETA. There is no news on whether Ricky’s penis has been found.


8: Food, Cocaine, and basketball: A love story. By Shawn Kemp.

In the 1990’s, there were three basketball teams: The Chicago Bulls, the Utah Jazz, and the Seattle Supersonics. Chicago had MJ, the Jazz had Karl Malone and John Stockton, and the city of Seattle saw a substantial birth rate.

The Reign Man Shawn Kemp was a force in the league in the 1990’s and led his team to an NBA finals appearance. He had brought basketball back to the city of Seattle and was one of the premiere players of his day. In his dwindling years though, the 6’10” Kemp saw his weight balloon from 250 to 275 and was eventually traded to Cleveland where he would keep tacking on pounds, as well as illegitimate children.

It was reported as of 1998 that Kemp had fathered seven children. Let’s assume that Shawn had fathered his first child in his second season in 1990. The rate is around 1.2 kids per year and that was of 1998. If Kemp has managed to have unprotected sex over the past 11 years, then Shawn currently can suit up an entire NBA team.

Where’s daddy?

In more recent news in 2005, Kemp was arrested for cocaine, 60 grams of marijuana, and a semiautomatic pistol and raised the question how does he fit all of that in a car with his NBA team of future overweight all-stars.


7: Michael Ray Richardson can’t get enough of whitey.

“Are you kidding me? They are. They’ve got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? They’re real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they’ve got to be crafty. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? Which I think is great. I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they’re run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they’re run by Jewish [sic]. It’s not a knock, but they are some crafty people.”

The above quote should just about sum this one up. Not only was Richardson critical of the Jewish population, but after being banned for life, yeah you heard it for LIFE, from the NBA, he had some choice words for the organization and their stance on race claiming that there was a double standard when it came to white player Chris Mullin and his problem with alcohol. Richardson said that it was unfair that Mullin can get away with his drinking problem, yet his cocaine problem is frowned upon.

By the way, his 1986 ban for life was lifted in 1991….which he then followed up with by failing two more drug tests for cocaine.


John Daly . . .not so much.

6:What do women want? Apparently, an overweight, chain smoking, gambling sub-par golfer.

When it comes to golf, the average American citizen has probably heard mostly of Tiger Woods and his exploits with the opposite sex, but most Americans don’t know much about the man that goes by the name of John Daly. Golf usually is recognized as a classy sport with most of the participants as older, richer, whiter men that usually resemble your Ben Gay smelling grandpa or Rich Uncle Pennybags.

If you thought Woods had problems, you’ve obviously never heard of Daly who has been married four times with every marriage ending up in Final Attraction fashion, minus the rabbit. Daly’s first marriage ended in three years with not much of a Hollywood style ending. It took two marriages for it to become actually public worthy.

Daly’s second marriage ended when his ex-wife Bettye Fulford accused him of throwing her into a wall and being charged with third-degree assault. His third marriage wasn’t note worthy as it ended ‘amicably’, which no one really cares about.

It was his fourth marriage that had us saying once again, there goes John Daly again beating his wife and getting stabbed for it. Following a fight at a restaurant, his wife attacked him with a steak knife causing lacerations over the right side of his face which he was proud to show up with in the second round of the tournament he was participating in.

Oh yeah, he’s also an avid purveyor of alcohol which was noted when his swing coach quit because “the most important thing in Daly’s life is getting drunk.” His gambling addiction has caused him to lose anywhere between $50 million and $60 million over the past 15 years. John’s diet also consists of diet coke and cigarettes, which he usually smokes during PGA tour events.

Daly proves once again that even you can win millions of dollars to be an overweight, wife-beating alcoholic. Keep reaching for the stars kids!


5: The Mets aren’t just known for disappointment anymore!

Back in the 1980’s(before many of you readers were born, hopefully), the New York Mets were the team to love as they came up out of nowhere in 1986 and won their first World Series in 17 years. At the team’s victory parade, Dwight Gooden didn’t show up, which his team would cover him for by saying he overslept. Do you really think Gooden is number five on this list because he had a problem with sleeping or possibly because he was in the middle of a cocaine binge?

Following a few more seasons and a rape accusation, Gooden ended his career in 2001 peacefully by winning another World Series and lived a lavish life with this three championship rings and definitely did not get arrested for drunk driving or punching his wife in the face or driving through a traffic stop or showing up high on cocaine to a probation meeting.


4:Athletes, guns, and limo drivers: a dangerous mix.

Jayson Williams was one of the higher regarded players of the 1990 NBA draft after having a successful career at St. John’s University. Williams was taken 21st, but bounced around from team to team for nine years before retiring due to injuries. Not a very notable career and in fact Williams was only accused of breaking a mug over someone’s head and firing a semiautomatic weapon in an open parking lot, pretty standard NBA regulations if you ask me.

But this is where the fun stops.

In 2002, Williams was giving a tour of his lavish 30,000 square foot mansion when the shotgun he was showing off went off accidentally and shot and killed limo driver Costas Christofi. The shooting raises many questions

#1: What exactly do you have to do in the NBA to get a 30,000 square foot house? Williams was a bust in the 1990 draft and didn’t exactly do much in his NBA career.

#2: Why did the trial just end a few weeks ago when the tour consisted of an entire basketball team of witnesses?

#3: Who is Jayson Williams?

In the meantime, Williams was taser-ed in a New York City hotel after becoming suicidal and violent and a few months later punching a man in the face at a bar. A week before his sentencing he was charged with DWI after an accident. Williams pleaded guilty to aggravated assault less than a week ago which answers all three of the questions I asked previously.

#1: The 30,000 square foot mansion is given out to anyone who is freakishly huge and can jump one foot off the ground.

#2: The trial actually was settled with a $2.75 million settlement in 2003. In 2006, an appeals court decided to retry Williams for reckless manslaughter and was delayed many times before finally reaching it’s end on January 11, 2010.

#3: I don’t know who NBA player Jayson Williams is.


3: Stephon Marbury makes all-star game, gets a tattoo on his head, and eats Vaseline all for your viewing pleasure

When Stephon Marbury entered the league in 1996, we knew the guy had a small case of ego-mania and that he might eat vaseline and cry while listening to music on a live webcam stream 13 years from then, but little did we know that he would actually do it.

Marbury was successful early in his career and made two all-star game’s in his career before joining the New York Knicks and like most people in New York, ended up hating his job. Marbury would get into fight’s on a daily occasion with legendary coach Larry Brown and legendary player, but shoddy general manager, Isiah Thomas.

Marbury was getting booed every game at Madison Square Garden which we believe in Florida and every other place foreign to New York is a sign of respect, so we’ll just go with New Yorkers hated Marbury so much that they actually began to respect him.

A few years later Marbury would be benched and not even see playing time after new coach Mike D’Antoni grew tired of ‘Starbury’s’ antics within their first meeting and saw no playing time from there on out. Following a banishment from the Knicks organization, Marbury found a loophole and decided that he could be just like everyone else and buy a ticket to a New York Knicks game.

Marbury would eventually take time off of basketball to focus on his new love of broadcasting his daily life for millions to see that included smoking weed, never wearing a shirt, crying to music while being massaged by a male friend, and of course eating Vaseline.

The new cocaine? You decide!


2: Marry Carmen Electra? What’s the worst that could happen.

Believe it or not Dennis Rodman actually played basketball and he was really good at it. He won five championships, two defensive player of the year awards, and led the league in rebounding seven years in a row which is quite the feat for someone that only stands at 6’7″.

But be honest, who wants to hear about that when Dennis Rodman wore a wedding dress to an autograph signing, marrying Carmen Electra while drunk and then fighting her, and of course kicking a camerman in the balls.

It all began in the early 1990’s when Rodman was found passed out in his car with a loaded rifle which he would later claim was to be used for suicide. Luckily for us and our entertaining pleasure, Rodman continued to lead a very extravagant life by making himself a constant side-show on and off the court.  It was his time in San Antonio that he began to dye his hair where it started blonde and then changed on a daily basis depending on his mood.

Rodman had frequent problems with Michael Jordan off the court claiming the two were going in different directions off the court and never got along. In a game facing the Minnesota Timberwolves, Rodman tripped over cameraman Eugene Amos and did the natural response of kicking Amos in the nuts. Amos might have overreacted by getting taken out on a freaking stretcher, but Rodman was forced to pay the lightweight $200,000 in court.

But onto his personal life!

Rodman lost his virginity at 20 to a prostitute before downgrading to Madonna. Following their breakup, he married Carmen Electra while intoxicated where the two eventually got into a domestic dispute and divorced 10 days later. He has also claimed to be a bi-sexual, thus explains the wedding dress I guess, and finished off his productive off court career by getting into another domestic dispute in a Los Angeles hotel and was eventually sentenced to counseling and probation.

Dennis Rodman and Madonna. I dare you to get that out of your head the rest of the week.


1: I’ll eat your children and [expletive] you until you love me [racial expletive].

If you don’t know who said either said of those quotes, re-evaluate your life and watch any boxing match in the 1990’s and then come back and thank me for giving you meaning in your life. If you do know who said that, then you should feel very disappointed that number one was this obvious.


Iron Mike Tyson was Muhammad Ali times 100  in his heyday and was a force to be reckoned with in the ring posting knockout after knockout before seeing it all fall apart in one of the biggest sports upsets in history when Tyson lost to underdog Buster Douglas.

We can’t say here at Coed that Tyson took the loss to well.

Mike would go on to sexually assaulting Desiree Washington which would cause the former champion to deal with three years in prison. Pretty standard stuff, but charges like that don’t get you number one on a list like this. In fact, it all began in 1988 when times were simpler and everyone had sinus infections.

Tyson’s publicized first marriage to Robin Givens was said to be “torture, pure hell, worse than anything I could possibly imagine” by Miss Givens. Sounds a lot like a marriage, so we’ll move past that.Things took a turn for the worse though when Givens accused Tyson of abuse and that he was also manic-depressive (Tell us something we don’t know)

Following that and the rape charges followed by Washington, Tyson was back in the ring to send a message to Evander Holyfield after their first fight when Holyfield won by TKO. The two would go at it with Mike being a crowd favorite until seeing one of the most surprising acts of violence by anyone in a sporting event of any kind.

Biting someone’s ear isn’t a typical legal move in boxing and the fight was stopped after the second(yeah, SECOND)time Tyson bit Holyfield’s ear and getting a piece of it in the process. Once again, a Tyson fight ended with the arena in a near riot and Mike would never get close to a championship title again until his fight with Lennox Lewis.

The fight was so one sided that it was embarrassing to watch the fall from grace Tyson had to withstand over his career, but it was the pre-fight that garnered most of the attention. In a fight before the Lewis bout, Tyson had stated that he wanted his heart and to eat his children and appropriately finished it with praise be to allah.

The pre-fight interview of course escalated into a near riot with Tyson addressing a reporter and telling him that he was going to, how should I say this, screw him until he loved him you homosexual. Just take that sentence and put it in Tyson’s vocabulary and you got it.

After his notable boxing career, Tyson would go onto get a tattoo on his face, get caught with cocaine, fight a photographer, and of course the usual two DUI charges.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug athletes, leave it for the Wall Street guys that know how to handle it.


COED Writer
COED Writer