Top Twelve Women of the Apocalypse


Are bombs dropping all around you? Did your ex-girlfriend just try to take a bite out of you? Well, looks like you’re in trouble bud, but here’s twelve ladies to help you through it.

12. Virginia Hey (Mad Max 2)

The babe, simply known as Warrior Woman, who captured Max’s attention and ours. I still find myself getting a little disappointed for Mad Max when she bites the big one. No teeth, honey.

11. Carrie-Anne Moss (The Matrix)

Skin-tight black latex is like The Golden Ticket. Both guarantee entry and I want to eat what’s inside both. Ok, maybe I got carried away, but just a little.

10. Mary Catherine Stewart (Night of the Comet)

Back to the 80s where cheese covered the earth. This babe appeared in a few horror movies, but Night of the Comet was her first starring role. It centered around two sisters and a truck driver left alive after a comet decimates the world’s population. Sign me up to drive that shift.

9. Jeanne Tripplehorn (Waterworld)

The list needed at least one MILF. Jeanne Tripplehorn plays Helen, mother of precious Enola (played by Big Love castmate Tina Majorino). She offers herself in trade for her daughter and her own safety, but got turned down by Kevin Costner’s character. No wonder Waterworld sank at the box office.

8. Estella Warren (Planet of the Apes)

The synchronized swimmer turned model turned actress put out her best performance in this awful remake. It helped that she spent most of the film mute, but isn’t that the most attractive train in a woman?

7. Asia Argento (Land of the Dead)

I love a girl who does daddy proud. Asia, the daughter of italian horror legend Dario Argento, starred in fourth installment of the Romero Zombie films, and brought some much-needed sex appeal to the series. I’ve never been inside Asia, but I have turned Japanese looking at pictures.

6. Naomi Watts and Lori Petty (Tank Girl)

The only couple on the list, and let’s embrace it. Tank Girl and Jet Girl are two of the cuter entries on the list and leave me wanting to somehow get blown up by them, especially if there is a Rocket Bra involved in there somewhere.

5. Diane Lane (Judge Dredd)

During the 90s, Diane Lane slowly made the transition from young and smoking to slightly older and still smoking. Ironically, silly comic book adaptation, Judge Dredd was one of the first films where she had begun to, “mature.”

4. Rhona Mitra (Doomsday)

The only chick on this list that I would be worried about kicking the crap out of me. Thanks to her cyborg eye, she can literally keep an eye on your at all times. Which sucks, because that view from behind would make me want to sneak up.

3. Emma Stone (Zombieland)

The characters in Zombieland chose to be identified by their cities and not their real names. I think that the writers came up with that just so they could name a character Wichita. Sounds like a stripper’s name to me, but distinctly more subtle than Idaho.

2. Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil)

The hero of the ongoing (somehow) Resident Evil series makes me wish I could be the T-Virus, injected in her. She isn’t glamorous in the films, but you don’t need to be Grace Kelly when you’re committing genocide on the zombie race.

1. Rose McGowan and Marley Shelton (Planet Terror)

This double dose of hotness blows the rest of the list out of the water. Is it just me, or is Marley Shelton’s doctor get-up even hotter than Rose McGowan as a stripper? I’m not saying I want her to go crazy with thermometers in me, but I would definitely like to let her know my temperature is high. Oh, and if you want to know how much of a deviant I am, my first thought when Cherry lost her leg was “easy access.”

COED Writer
COED Writer
I live in an empowerment zone, so I only get hired for jobs for the tax credit. I believe in magic, ghosts, and true love. I do not believe in Harvey Dent. I have tried autoerotic asphyxiation, but it was only because I desperately needed a breath of fresh air.