How to Get Attention

Do you find it hard to get attention? While people talk to you, do find that their focus diverts elsewhere? What……hold on a minute…….OK, I forgot what and with who I was speaking with. I guess they didn’t get my…….ATTENTION!

THINGS NEEDED TO GET ATTENTION: Bright Clothing, explosives, a snake or lizard, parrots, hair dye, a loud voice

STEP ONE: Screaming
A good place to start in the pursuit of getting attention, is by using something you were born with……YOUR VOICE! (Mutes take a breather) Next time you are in a large public place such as a library or funeral home, wait until it becomes so quiet that you can almost hear a pin drop, then scream, “Look at me! Look at me!” Keep screaming this until your presence is clearly acknowledged. If that doesn’t work, the next time scream, “Look at me, motherf*ckers! Look at me motherf*ckers!”

STEP TWO: Unusual Animals
Carrying around an unusual animal around your neck or on your shoulder always helps in getting attention. The best place to utilize this is at street fairs. Next time this type of event is in your neighborhood, attend it while having a large lizard perched on your shoulder. This puts out a statement to the world, “Look at me! I must clearly be an interesting person, being that I have a lizard on my shoulder. I must have very interesting things to say!” To give yourself more attention, have a chain running from the lizard’s neck to a newly adorned nose or ear ring.

STEP THREE: Wear A Funny T-shirt

You can’t even conceive how much attention-mileage you’ll get by wearing a T-shirt with a funny slogan on the front. By simply wearing a chemise which states,“Sex Instructor, First Lesson Free!” you’ll find yourself with more attention than you can handle. People will come up to you, appreciating your sense of humor, and wanting to know more about the man behind the shirt. Besides both sharing a good laugh, you will achieve your goal of getting attention. The same holds true by wearing a T-shirt with a very racist slogan and walking through Compton California. You will get attention, but it will be different somehow.

STEP FOUR: Assassinating A Political Leader
This will get much, much attention. You don’t even have to kill the leader; just try to. Not only will your face grace the cover of magazines, but you will also be talked about on news shows and at other people’s workplaces. The key is, you have to make sure you get caught!

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE GOTTEN ATTENTION!

Harmon Leon is the author of The American Dream

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