I tend to think of myself as a Jedi Cocksman – someone who could navigate my way through any girl drama, at any time, in any forum. Please meet my friend Jay in the above photo. Being my friend, I “hid” his face, but I think the expression of the faces of the accompanying ladies speaks to the particular situation that Jay found himself this past Saturday night.
Jay is the average-looking friend in our group who gets more tail James Bond. The girl to the left is Jay’s girlfriend Sara, the picture does not do her justice. Sara is cute with a retardedly hot rack. The girl with the face that says, “I just got caught,” is Juliette. Jay and Juliette hook up on the side, and though not key to the story, Jay has been trying to get a three-way going – even though the girls don’t know each other.
Now that we are done with the exposition – despite the perfect picture from my iPhone that sums up how snagged Jay was, it is important to note – he talked his way out of it. His wingman was in the bathroom and he had NO support. But Jay utilized the male Jedi reflexes that every man is empowered with, denial.
I saw the whole thing and it was brilliant. He stayed calm and started spinning like Karl Rove. Mind you, when Sara walked up, his hand was on Juliette’s leg and she was overtly letting him look down her shirt. He didn’t go for a big or elaborate story, but rather just a, “Hey Sara, this is Juliette. She is an English Major too!” That was it. That was his whole defense.
The interrogation consisted of the obvious: “Did she tell you that before or after you stared at her tits?” and “Why were you touching her leg?” With a sack bigger than Santa Claus’ he just replied, “No I didn’t.”
Juliette was being brainwashed into believing and didn’t even know it. I counted, and he said “No I didn’t” eight times. That’s all it took. Whether his GF and Ho were just eager to accept the lie or not – the three of them sat together for five rounds. Take that in. His GF and the chick he is banging, sat and have five rounds together AFTER he got caught. They were even laughing together.
The lesson to be learned is that denial is the only real way and truth to long-lasting Jedi Cocksmanship. The Jedi in particular needs to commit to denial. In most cases, it will go past eight, but he was getting grilled A Few Good Men-style. But dammit, Jay did not order the code-red and was going to go down with that story no matter what.
Jay, COED Magazine and Jedi Cocksmen across the world salute you. If you have a good Jedi Cocksman story or photo you can share with us, you or your friend can get the well-deserved notoriety and honors.