5 Worst Summer Olympic Sports to Participate in as a Child

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It’s time for the Summer Games. For a select few, that means it’s time to put years of hard work and determination to good use to try to win a medal for their home country. For most of us, however, it means it’s time to sit back and watch people far more athletic then ourselves participate in activities that we haven’t done since childhood — when our parents desperately tried to force us into different sports to see if we had any real ‘physical acumen.’ Pro-tip: We did not.

Here is a list of Olympic Sports most uncomfortable for small children:

Swimming

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6AM practices? Check. Embarrassing bathing suits, swim caps, and goggles that you will be photographed in? Check. Screaming instructor with fake gun screaming at you to ‘push it’ all summer long when all you want is a Popsicle? Check. As someone with many ‘You got 6th!’ medals from early childhood, I can say that swimming competitively was the least fun activity I ever participated in as a kid.

Wrestling

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Youth Wrestling should be renamed ‘Normal Kid Smothering.’ In every instance of this, there is always about five or six normal kids and one whose parents are so into it they’ve had him wrestling pit bulls since he came out the womb. Together, they systematically wreck every other kid. His dad will scream at the meets about ‘dominant positions’ but he might as well be saying ‘GET YOUR CROTCH ALL OVER HIS FACE!!’ Little kid wrestling is always about one kid who is confused and one who isn’t.

Badminton

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This sport is actually pretty fun but from what I understand there are dress requirements and the object you hit is referred to as a ‘shuttlecock.’ So you’ve got to keep this hidden from your peers or you’re pretty much done for.

Water Polo

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Everyone into the water! Now stop swimming and hold this ball! Don’t tread water, MAKE A SCORE POINT! Water polo is excellent for your body and also a great way to simulate drowning. Additionally you look like your having a giant splash fight, which is cool, until someone swallows water and can’t stop coughing.

Archery

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This is actually sweet up until the last seconds before actually shooting the arrow. It’s like, all Robin Hood and sh*t, and then you pull your arm back and realize three things: your miniscule child arms can support this pressure for maybe three seconds, you are no longer in the least bit of control, and when you let go, some part of your body will be injured. You don’t know if it’ll be your nose, or your wrist, but something will be red and swollen. Also kids shouldn’t know how to shoot arrows, it’s just a bad time.

[What sport did YOUR parents force you into?]

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