Condoms or Crabs: Which do you prefer?

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Listen, guys. I am a lady who has had sexual intercourse…oh…say….more than a few times. I am also a lady who does not want any STDs. Therefore, I am a lady who has safe sex. That means, you, male lovers, wear a condom.

Now most guys in my past haven’t thought twice about wearing a condom. Turns out most guys don’t want STDs, either! However, there have been a few who have whined…and even one more recently who made sex nearly impossible-because of condoms.

“I just can’t feel anything”…
“I don’t know how ANY guy can can come with these things…”

Those are two lines I heard from two separate guys in the last two weeks.

These remarks have infuriated me to the degree of broadcasting some tips to all of the male readers out there. Mind you, I’m well aware of the fact that MOST guys don’t mind condoms. But for those of you who do….

1. Pick the right condom for you. I have had two boyfriends who had difficulties with condoms….because they were using the wrong size. If your condom is choking your dick– and I mean that in a bad way–you should probably get a bigger one. If the regular size fits, go with the Trojan Ultra Thins. But be sure to use extra lube with those, since too much friction can sometimes cause them to break.

2. If you can’t feel anything with a condom on, make the most of it! Maybe you’ll be able to last longer than 2 minutes and eventually learn to feel ‘something’ with them and/or perfect the art of oral sex.

3. Don’t give the girl sh*t about wanting to use condoms. Which would you rather have on your dick: condoms or crabs? Ask yourself this the next time you want to act like condoms are an inconvenience for you. Be happy you’re dealing with a girl who respects herself enough to not openly welcome diseases.

At the end of the day, I’m really sorry if you can’t feel anything…or if it simply feels better without condoms. But unless you’re in a seriously committed relationship where you both feel trusting enough to not use condoms (and have gotten tested), rubbers should be a given.

Thank you.
I’m done.

(Image source: NYTimes.com)

COED Writer
COED Writer
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