John Mayer Writes 10 Lines About His Ex

…And the whole f**king internet goes crazy!

On his little blog, while he was at the airport, John Mayer wrote 10 lines about how his ex-girlfriend should move on and leave him alone. Minutes after he posted it, half of the net and almost all of the gossip sites started guessing who it was. My question is, why does anyone care?

I write s**t about my ex all the time – Brooke, you really are a skank (just kidding…!) – and no one seems to care. Yet here is a dude who has banged half of the hotties and Hollywood and he is bitching that they keep calling him to get some?

Ok, John – maybe you need to realize how nice you have it. Maybe you should come up to Albany and find some dirty biatch (like Brooke) who will gob your nob and then b*tch about it for a semester. I will hang out at your posh midtown apartment and live the life of a millionaire bachelor.

John, your music has replace Barry White’s as our generation’s music to bang to, but you need to stop with the whiny blogs. Dude…you tapped Jessica Simpson AND Cameron Diaz. That’s at the top of the wish list of every 15 year old boy in the Make a Wish Foundation. You make me want to play a mediocre guitar and sing ballads, but it may be time to butch up a little bit. Ease up with the wanna-be trash talk. It wasn’t even good! You didn’t even leave her name – though everyone knows that it was Jessica Simpson. You either have to go big or go home in the art of internet trash talk.

Maybe something like this – Jessica (Brooke), you dirty skank, you stole my favorite sweatshirt! But if it means never seeing your dirty face again, keep it. Stop IM’ing! You need to stop TXT’ing me too, I get 100 a month and if I go over because your stank-ass can’t take a hint – it will be a war. So what if I am hooking up with your little sister (twin sister)?! I have news for you, we were hooking up while we were dating too.

Seriously, leave me alone…unless there is a chance for a three-way? In which case. I miss you too Jessica (Brooke)! I didn’t mean to call you a whore all over the internet, unless you are into that?

COED Guide to Creative Lawmaking
COED Guide to Creative Lawmaking
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