The Hollywood Remake Epidemic Strikes Again with The Karate Kid


It was bound to happen: Hollywood hacks may be taking The Karate Kid, one of the most beloved movies of all time, hostage. Gagged and bound.

This news isn’t as shocking as one would expect, seeing that approximately 3 out of 4 movies in theaters are either remakes or adapted screenplays from best-selling books. Has that little attribute called “creativity” been done away with completely or is Hollywood just f***ing lazy?

Beats me. All I know is that Will Smith’s son, Jaden Smith (Pursuit of Happyness) is slated to play Daniel-San. C’mon! I’m sure the original crane-kicker Ralph Macchio needs the work. Pat Morita (R.I.P.) would be pissed.

The remake epidemic is still running strong, and will continue to do so as long as boneheaded moviegoers shell out $10 (or more) to see a poor rendition of a flick they hold on a pedestal out of pure nostalgia. Let the memories be exactly that – memories.

Earlier this year Richard Donner, the director of Goonies, flat-out said that a Goonies remake is not planned – but a musical is. What the f*** is wrong with these people? A musical? Yeah, that’s a much better idea than a quick cash-in…oh hold on, it is a quick cash-in. I can’t wait to see Mikey sing about the legend of Chester Copperpot, or Sloth and Chunk belting out a stunning duet of Captain & Tennille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together” aboard the pirate ship. Fantastic.

Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek 3, Spider-Man 3 and Transformers recently proved that – gasp! – sequels and remakes are bonafide cash-cows. They graze the fields, dropping plops of retro-stench over movie complexes nationwide. 2007 alone has a dangerously-high count of remakes and sequels; who knows what uninspired tripe 2008 will roll out.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, they say. Well, it is broke and they have to fix it, pronto. And how? With original thoughts, that’s how. The bar is so low that lackluster movies are considered future classics only in comparison to crap.

Just as it is with the music industry, the movie industry needs to worry less about piracy (a blip on the radar) and more about quality (the pink elephant in the room).

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