Women’s magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn’t find elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren’t privy to. How they read into our behavior, how they perceive our actions, what their true expectations are… there’s plenty to be learned from a glimpse into the other side.
AskMen.com will be providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence — without the embarrassment that comes with retrieving it from your girlfriend’s magazine rack. We’ll be publishing a series of features from iVillage.com; articles originally written by women for women, but with insight that’s invaluable to men. Of course, in exchange, we had to offer up some intelligence of our own… all the more reason for you to get on the inside track as soon as you can.
Most women learn how to orgasm through masturbation. If you come from a strict religious background or had parents who told you touching yourself was dirty and deviant, chances are you didn’t masturbate. But it’s never too late to start exploring your body! Take baby steps until you’re at the point where you can bring yourself to orgasm. Some other ideas:
Educate yourself about sex. Read some good books and get your partner to do the same.
Normalize sex by renaming it. Using a word your brain doesn’t instantly associate with âbadâ? makes it less threatening. For instance, try calling sex âhaving funâ? (ahem).
Stop worrying about what everyone thinks. We’re worried that our partner will judge us. We’re worried what our mom might think if she saw us. Lighten up! Whenever you feel your thoughts go in this direction, fight it — and refuse to let yourself go there.
Give up the body image issues. So you’re not perfectâ¦ Shock! Horror! Neither am I. And neither is anyone I know in real life (men included)! Get over it and do what men do: When you look in the mirror, focus on the good parts, not the bad.
Examine your sexual past. What messages did you get from your parents about sex? What other past experiences have you had which could be affecting you now? Talk to trusted friends. Talk to your partner. Talk to a therapist if you’d like.
Stay in the moment when you’re having sex. Concentrate on feelings and sensations. If you feel your mind wander into negative territories — or even into your to-do list! — drag it back. Open your eyes and watch if it keeps your mind on it. And don’t make orgasm the focus: Just let yourself enjoy what’s happening right then and there.