Make the Most of Your Fake ID

Every once in awhile I like going out to bars, clubs, you name it. Buuuuut, I am not yet 21 and I nowhere near look like I am. Because of my short stature, people frequently ask me if I am in high school (and one time even junior high).

I know, I know: in 20 years, I’ll be begging for people to think I’m in high school. But for right now, I just wanna pass as 21 so I can go out with my friends. Which is nearly impossible. I still get funny looks from waiters when I order off the adult menu.

So, I got a fake ID. I was lucky enough to inherit an actual old ID of a friend’s after she turned 21. While my friend and I look alike, she is 25 and 5’9. And yet, her ID has worked flawlessly time and time again, even when I don’t wear my seven-inch heels.

How does it work, you ask? I follow a few basic steps:

The most important thing when using a fake is to have confidence. Exude it. Embody your fake ID. Relinquish your real identity and go with the card. If it says you’re 5’9 and you’re really 5’3, be 5’9 in spirit. My dad always said, “if you act tall, you are tall.” Apparently that adage rings true for getting into bars, among other things.

Also, travel as lightly as possible. I don’t mean that you should carry a clutch (which you should anyway), just avoid traveling in a large group. Alone or with one or two friends, you’re much less offensive to a bouncer.

It always helps if you’re a girl in the first place, but be a girl – boy scout. Have your fake at the ready. Don’t be afraid to look the bouncer in the eye. Be sincere with your false identity. Smile, nod, say thank you, step aside. And what to do if they take your ID? First of all, if you worry about them taking it, they probably will. So don’t even think about it. But if they do, let it go. It wasn’t meant to be.

Lastly, share the wealth. Once you cross the threshold into legality, pass your ID down to someone less fortunate, along with these guidelines to proliferate good times for all.

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