Seattle says Man/Goat sex is not cool!

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(Thanks for the clarification Seattle! Unfortunately, I was genetically disposed to KNOW that was wrong – West Virginia thanks you for the heads up though!)

So…I am chillin’ at my parents’ house, being the lazy fat-ass that I am. Sitting by the pool drinking coffee, trying to forget that in less than a month I have to go back to year 3 of a wonderful SUNY education. (NY State College if you are not in the know)

Literally, coffee and food in mouth – I read the following headline from a Seattle newspaper: “Employee accused of sex with goat” In short, this pervert, Arthur Lawton, was banging a goat at the Eatonville’s Pioneer Farm Museum in Pierce County, where he worked, and a tour came by and saw him. OH…but wait…there is more…

This county has a locally enforcable LAW preventing beastiality because it is a growing epidemic in the city of Eatonville. Within the last year you ask? Here you go:


Dumbass #1: Killed while trying to have sex with a horse. Not saying I want the specifics, but out of sheer curiosity – WTF was this dude trying to do? No wait…I don’t want to know…eh…yes i do. Wait, he VIDEO TAPED it you say? Wait, he had over 100 hours of himself and his friends having sex with farm animals? Sorry, just threw up in mouth a little bit – never mind – don’t need to see it. He’s dead? Cheers.

Dumbass #2: Maimed trying to get intimate with his families pitbull. Let us all pause for a moment. I like living on the dark side – don’t get me wrong – I have even convinced one of my drunken conquests to do it on a park bench in Central Park, but a pitbull? Not that I am condoning ANY man/animal lovin’…BUT…dude! I would think if that was your bag you might want to go golden retriever or spaniel, maybe a collie – to go pitbull is a whole level of commitment to being a truly sick and twisted b*stard WAY beyond a perverted animal-poking-PETA-loving sicko.

This brings me back to the topic: WTF is wrong with Seattle? Been there once, seemed like a cool place. A little skewed to the left, but a cool place and the people are open. Now it seems, a little too open. In the US, we have a federal law and state laws prohibiting sex with animals. Of course, there is a time and place for every law, but it is assumed that local police don’t need to be on the lookout for man/dog dating issues. For this to become a county/town law means A LOT. It means that a local legislature had to sit down and have a conversation that started like this:

“Call to order, next bill to hit the floor – bill 253 – the Eatonville law making sex with animals illegal. Vote to the floor – all in favor?”

We as a civilization should NOT NEED to make this a law. People should KNOW sex with animals is wrong in so many ways. Seattle, you gave us Starbucks and Microsoft – ok, so you are batting .500…get your act together or we will start calling you West Virginia.

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