Instead of Watching Reality TV We Should All Punch Ourselves in the Balls

One of two things is happening: Either America is getting dumber as the seasons change or America has an overwhelming desire to be on a game show. Whatever the answer is, the end result is the worst American television since the damn thing has been invented. For instance, like tonight, it’s a Thursday and because it’s summer, it is a little less wild than during the school year, so you may be in watching tube tonight. You have some options, so pick one of these two diddies: the season premiere of ‘Big Brother 8’ or ‘Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?’ Good God. I got an idea, instead of watching either of these shows, take a stick, preferably one thicker than your shins, and just hit your face until you commence to bleed.

When you come to, it will probably be Tuesday, or better known as the start of ‘The Battle of Terrible Executives At a Major Network Station’ night. Let me explain. OK, so NBC came up with the gem idea of creating a reality show about forgetting the lines during karaoke. Let’s throw in C-Lister Joey Fatone for hosting duties and we got ourselves a hit. Hmm, let’s call it ‘The Singing Bee’. Not to be outdone in the shit television category, FOX stepped up. Having an intern steal the synopsis of the NBC’s show, FOX changed the set, the name and the host, but the show, is ABSOLUTELY the same. With a less than clever name and Wayne Brady doing the hosting, FOX still believes they continue to produce original television. And the worst part of it all, ‘Don’t Forget the Lyrics’ premieres the night after NBC’s show of different title.

Being it 2007 and it seems that America has an absolute and terrible addiction to reality TV… and network is the place to get our fix. It used to be that we get a dime bag here and a vile there, but ‘network drug dealers’ want a bigger and better score; dealing out pounds and kilos of awful shows to the always looking American public. Even some former reality show addicts have relapsed and TV is right there to get them back on board. It gets worse. America is now going international to find supplies. That’s right, the greatest country on Earth is now importing reality TV shows into this country through little balloons that network execs swallowed and shit out in the pitch room,. Cue ABC. ABC sees all of this productivity around them, but don’t want to pay the hefty bills of producing a show in-house, so they gobbled up the Canadian hidden-camera show ‘Just For Laughs’, made famous on airline flights.

It is not that I hate reality TV; it’s more that I dislike it. Not for what it is, but for what it is doing: taking the time slots away from good television. Other ideas and scripts are thrown to the side because of just that, they are scripted. Let’s ponder for one second. Hundreds or thousands of years from now, when it’s discovered what television America was watching, they will realize how absolutely dumb we are, and understand why we fell as a world power.

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