Being a recent victim of a cross-country trip, in which three friends and I drove from NYC to LA in about fifty hours, I became an expert on all sorts of legal stimulants overnight. When we hit Illinois, it began to get dark and the adrenaline and excitement about the road trip began to wear off, so I decided it was time to cop a Red Bull or Monster to keep me going. However, they last for about a half an hour and then you hit an even bigger wall. Needing to drive from Missouri through Utah, I was in dire need of some sort of energy or I was going to fall asleep at the wheel, sending my car and everyone in it careening into the desert/farmland/rocky mountains depending on when the caffeine wore off.
Therefore, I took a different route, avoided the caffeine and went with sports drinks. Being a former high school athlete, I am well-versed in the electrolyte field and know full-well that Gatorade helps you perform at your peak. In reality, all it did was make me need to pee in the Gatorade bottle every half hour and did not make me perform on the interstate like Frank Thomas performs at the plate. Powerade was the same story, but their bottles were more difficult to urinate in so I went into uncharted territories and out of mainstream sports drinks.
I picked up a bottle of the magenta colored Vitamin Water which claimed to provide consumers with endurance, which is something I desperately needed. I never really got into the whole Vitamin Water trend because I felt it was a scam and their labels were nothing more than that. Furthermore, I am a huge Dipset fan and Vitamin Water favors G-Unit’s 50 Cent and being the loyal fan, I boycotted Formula 50, despite its intrinsic nutritional value. However, I put all biases a side, and much to my delight, Vitamin Water saved the lives of myself, my friends and my Nissan Altima by providing me with the endurance to drive across the vast wasteland that is called America.
When I arrived in LA, I went to Ralph’s Miracle Mile, and they had a 10 for 10 deal on Vitamin Water which I obviously took advantage of. Whereas, their choices were limited, I picked up some Essential, Focus and Revive. Having ADD, the focus did not do much for me and I’m going to stick to Aderol, but the Revive did help diffuse the awful hangovers I’ve had each morning that I’ve been on the West Coast and I will swear by Vitamin Water til the day I die or until they find AIDs in it.