Walmart Shoplifter Face-Plants While Trying To Make Her Escape

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Ontario Provincial Police are looking for a real clumsy shoplifter. On April 26, 2017, the unidentified woman tried to leave a Fergus, Ontario Walmart with more than $650 of stolen goods in a shopping cart.

She wasn’t able to escape with the items, though, as she face-planted in the parking lot. Watch a pesky curb ruin her getaway in the video below.

That curb deserves a raise, pronto! It’s hands down the best security guard in that joint. Sacrificing its own well-being for the good of the store like a basketball player taking a charge in crunch time.

Even though this woman looks about as uncoordinated as Leo DiCaprio on ludes, she is apparently a seasoned Walmart crook. According to CTV Kitchener, police believe that she has a posse of bandits to help her pull off heists.

They also said it wasn’t the first time she had stolen goods from that Walmart. Store employees told police that she had stolen nearly $2,500 worth of products a few days earlier. In both cases, she was allegedly helped by two men and three women.

OPP describe the woman as being white, likely in her 40s, and weighing about 165 pounds. They say she has glasses, as well as a tattoo on her back, and was seen wearing a light-coloured long-sleeved shirt and black pants. The men helping her are believed to be in their 30s. One of them has short, dark hair, while the other was seen wearing a red and white baseball cap.

The women are all believed to be in their 20s. Police say one has long dark hair, a second has long blond hair, and the third “is prone to concealing her face.”

Wow, what a squad. It sounds like Fergus has an Oceans 11 style unit to deal with now. We’ve got a lady prone to concealing her face and another lady prone to busting her ass in parking lots. Everybody better keep their heads on a swivel!

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Toby HastyCOED Writer
Towson University graduate, Maryland resident, chicken parm connoisseur, and "Gin and Juice" karaoke performer. Follow me on Twitter for frequent complaining and Chappelle's Show quotes.
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