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Florida (!) Man Pulls His Johnson Out At Church, Claims The Lord Told Him To Do It Because Of Course

I’ve never been the most religious dude. In fact, I feel like religion is something that’s kind of waning when it comes to millennials. Most of the people I know only go to their respective places of worship on big holidays or not at all. I certainly can’t tell you the last time I met a 20-something who went to Sunday mass.

Now, while I’ve never been to church myself, that doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t believe in something. I believe in something — not exactly sure what it is — but I believe in it. Is it God? Who knows, but I’ll tell you this: if God (or whatever) does ever decide to talk to me, I sure hope he tells me something more important than “Hey Eric, why don’t ya show everyone your dick?!”

So, God, if you’re reading this (or hearing my internal monologue as I write this — either way), if you ever decide to talk to me, maybe slide me a couple of sharp bets, tell me the secret to wooing any and all women, or even clue me into how you got this whole shebang up and running. But certainly don’t tell me to whip my dick out, because Lord knows (yes, you) I’ll probably listen. Back when I was 20, 21 years old, maybe I could get away with a quick dingle flash here and there. But now that I’m a gainfully employed 24-year-old, I would prefer if you used your divine intervention to keep my dick in my pants, so long as the situation calls for it.

Via Sebastian Daily:

On Wednesday, the Central Assembly Of God called the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office to report a man who exposed his penis during their church service in Vero Beach. Christopher James Frey, 48, walked up during the service to the front of the stage and turned to face the crowd of 39 people.

Witnesses say Frey pulled down his pants and “exposed his penis to everyone in the room during the service,” according to the report. Several men in the church ran to the front of the room and got Frey to “pull his pants up and escorted him out of the main area,” the report said.

Deputies then made contact with Frey and asked him why he exposed his penis to everyone in the room.

“The Lord told me to do it,” Frey told deputies.

Frey was arrested and transported to the Indian River County Jail where he was charged with exposure of sexual organs and disorderly conduct.

Nothing says church in Florida like God telling you to act like a perv.

  • Eric ItalianoCOED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com
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