Sorry, folks. I know it’s Thursday and you’ve probably had enough politics for the week (or for your lifetime, ’cause same). But I just could not let this one slide. It was too hilarious of an opportunity to pass up.
Our boy Donnie Freedom seems to have a proportions problem. Whether it be the size of his hands or the size of the crowd at his inauguration, Donald Trump always seems to be coming up a little… short.
The hand thing… that’s whatever. Big guy, tiny hands — whatever. If I’m Trump and someone rips on me for having tiny hands, it wouldn’t really phase me considering that one of the rings on said hand could potentially cost more than the dude’s house.
The inauguration thing… that’s also kind of whatever. I’m going to call a spade a spade and say the only reason Obama’s inauguration attendance numbers were so high is because people wanted to be a part of history and be there when the first African-American was sworn in as president.
When you read about history in your sixth-grade textbooks, you learn about Washington crossing the Delaware and Lincoln catching one to the back of the dome piece and Roosevelt telling us fear should be our only fear. There are certain individual moments that define and shape the nation, and Obama’s first inauguration is of that ilk. That’s a story you tell your grandkids.
Now, Trump’s inauguration was a little bit different. Yes, it was historic, but no one wanted to be a part of that history, so he should have known he’d never have a chance of having a massive inauguration. In fact, I’d argue even Hillary’s crowd would have been smaller than Obama’s. Besides, if you’re president, you shouldn’t be concerned with being lauded and applauded, you should be in it to do the right thing for the American people. And BITCHING about the size of your inauguration crowd is not what’s best for the American people (but that’s another issue for another day).
All this said, the point I’m trying to make is that I absolutely HAVE to write about these photos. Maybe had Donnie Freedom not made such a big hoopla out of his inauguration crowd size and photos and fake news and blah f*cking blah, I would have let this one slide. But he didn’t, so I won’t.
I do not care about the context of the photo, this is another bad visual for Donnie, especially considering that his ‘boy’ Tom Brady didn’t even show up. 34 players didn’t show up to the event. Active rosters are, what, 53 men? It’ll be interesting to see how he puppeteers Spicer into spin-zoning this one. You know, with the inauguration photos, they’re so zoomed out you could argue that was photoshopped (even though it clearly wasn’t), but here, you’re up close and personal. Spicer has had a rough enough month, maybe Trump just lets this delusion slide and accepts reality.
And while we’re on the topic of people I can’t f*cking stand, total bitch move of Tom Brady to not show up. Brady has handled this WHOLE Trump situation like a scumbag since Day 1. He’s the one who introduced the conversation about Trump by sticking his MAGA hat in his locker, and then when he was questioned about it, he became defensive. Now, when his team wins the Super Bowl and the right to visit the White House, Brady doesn’t even have the balls to stick to his convictions, because his actual balls are in Giselle’s grasp.
To summarize: Donnie Freedom = sucks. Tom Brady = no balls.