|

I’m All In On Justin Bieber Being An Ancient Reptilian Walking Among Us

Back in my day, before all the kids were calling it #FakeNews, we had good old fashioned conspiracy theories. Flat-earth, lizard people, Illuminati, Bohemian grove (Google it), 9/11, golden showers, assassinations — if it’s an outlandish conspiracy theory, I’m into it. Are any of these ever true? Who’s to say. But it is wildly entertaining to dive into the rabbit hole. Always. So here we go.

There have been a couple borderline bombshell (depending on how woke you are) articles floating around the internet alleging that Justin Bieber shapeshifted into his ‘reptilian form’ while at a Perth airport for an Australian tour.

via Buzzfeed:

Much of the conspiracy hinges on an article ALLEGEDLY published (and then quickly taken down) on Perth Now, with a headline reading “Hundreds Of Fans Claim They Saw Justin Bieber Turn Into Giant Reptile”.

The alleged story went on to claim police had been called by distressed fans who saw “gross, coloured scales” all over Bieber’s body.

Now, this isn’t the first time Biebs has been accused of being an ancient reptilian.

Back in 2014, Bieber sent shockwaves through the conspiracy world after his eyes appeared to blink like that of something … inhuman.

Rock hard evidence that Bieber actually sheds his skin a couple of times and year and feeds on human flesh? No. But relatively bizarre — definitely. Short of the video feed being edited by a nefarious media corporation looking to stir the pot, there’s clearly something up with Bieber’s eyes. But even stranger is his reaction to is. You ever catch your dog after they shit on the floor and just stare at them, and they look away cause they know they’re guilty — that’s what Bieber pulls.

So fast word to present day, where Bieber is touring Australia as part of his Purpose world tour, playing in Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne and Perth. While crossing through the Perth airport, Bieber allegedly shapeshifted in front of ‘hundreds’ of fans.

According to Your News Wire (obviously not credible), citing the now-deleted/potentially fabricated article on Perth Now, one witness said that “all hell broke loose” in the airport after Justin Bieber shapeshifted in front of hundreds of fans:

“He was hanging around with this big guy, his bodyguard I guess, and we were just staring because he kept turning into a huge reptile,” said a local skater. “His bodyguard was pointing at us, shouting that he’d kick our teeth in if we didn’t put our phones away.”

“There were girls hiding in toilets, crying. Guys were running for the exits, jumping in taxis to get out of there.”

BuzzFeed reached out to the editors of Perth Now to find out if they published the story, however, Ben Martin, head of digital content, denied publishing it and said that after a search of their CMS there was no mention of Bieber’s “cold-blooded antics”.

So, is Bieber a reptilian lizard person? Tough to say.

On one hand, Bieber has shown some very human tendencies throughout the years such as getting way too drunk and pissing where he’s not supposed to.

But on the other, he also pulls some shit that only makes sense if you assume he’s a lizard person. He jets around the world with monkeys and he doesn’t like Bill Clinton. I get that he’s “from Canada”, but how could you not like Bill Clinton. Major lizard person red flag.

  • Eric ItalianoCOED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com
    Comments