Papa John’s Is Trying To Trick Drunk People Into Buying Their Bad Pizza

Papa Priority From Papa John's

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I’m all for good old-fashioned entrepreneurship, but Papa John’s isn’t even trying to hide their blatant money grabs anymore.

In an attempt to further monetize their bad fast food pizza, Papa John’s is introducing “Papa Priority,” a new offering that allows customers to pay an extra $2.99 to cut to the front of the delivery line. As of today, the new policy is being rolled out in select markets. According to the Associated Press, the Papa Priority is being tested at the moment and could see and expanded availability if all goes well.

Papa John’s terms and conditions agreement reminds customers to keep five crucial things in mind when using the Papa Priority fee:

At Papa John’s, we always strive to deliver your pizza in a safe and timely manner. However, we recognize that there might be some situations where you would like your pizza a little faster on busy nights when there might be a longer wait due to the number of orders at the restaurant. For an extra fee, that may vary based on date, time, or Papa John’s sole discretion, PapaPriority will ensure that your pizza is made faster and out for delivery sooner, subject to the terms and conditions below.

PapaPriority only applies to a pizza you order directly from Papa John’s and pay the PapaPriority fee in addition to the applicable delivery fee.

PapaPriority moves your order to the front of the line so that it is made faster and therefore, ready for delivery sooner. These changes only involve in-store processes and do not affect the on-the-road delivery function or time. Papa John’s delivery drivers are always expected to make deliveries in a safe manner after leaving the restaurant.

PapaPriority does not guarantee that your pizza will be delivered within a set time period or that delivery will be faster than normal. There is no cash alternative or refund available.

PapaPriority is only available at participating restaurants and may be discontinued at anytime. PapaPriority is limited to five orders total each night for each restaurant location. Papa John’s reserves the right to modify or cancel this promotion at anytime.

Those are actually pretty important stipulations to remember, particularly that last one. Papa Priority only supports five special orders per night, which means you might be too late when you drunkenly stumble home at 1:00 A.M. and need pizza ASAP. They also apply the quicker service at their “sole discretion,” which could lead to disputes with hungry customers.

Also, how is Papa John’s going to guarantee expedited delivery when they can’t project how many orders they’ll receive during a single given night, as well as the size of those orders or the location of the delivery request? Great question. They don’t have an answer yet, but I’m sure they’re hard at work on one.

Thus far, Papa John’s claims they’ve received “great customer reception” for Papa Priority. We’ll believe it when we see it. Now please enjoy this picture of drunk Papa John.

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Brandon KatzCOED Writer
A New York native & proud couch potato who loves all things pop culture. I can usually be found writing, making videos and ranking all the warriors in "Game of Thrones" based on their fighting prowess.
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