I mean, no shit. If I wipe my ass too aggressively in the morning I’m walking funny all day, let alone with three-and-a-half pounds of gold rammed up my ass. It also doesn’t help that he tried to pull this little scheme at an airport, where employees see people walking around with foreign items up their rectums more than most. Great plan, poor execution.
An Indian man, who has yet to be identified, was arrested on the suspicion of smuggling gold after customs officers saw him walking in a suspicious manner once exiting a plane in Hyderabad. Officials then searched his luggage and found eight gold bars hidden inside LED lights.
But they weren’t done there.
Via Daily Mail:
Suspicious customs officers decided to x-ray the suspect and discovered a further 12 bars of gold which had been inserted before boarding the four-and-a-half hour flight from Singapore to Hyderabad. The man arrived at Rajiv Gandhi airport in Hyderabad around 1:00 A.M. on Sunday.
Gold in India is worth significantly more than it is in either Singapore or Dubai meaning it is an attractive commodity for smugglers. In total, the man was carrying 2kg of gold worth an estimated $75,000.
One customs agent said: ‘A smuggler bringing gold pieces concealed in his rectum is often an expert. That’s because not anyone can move with ease when gold pieces are in the rear’.
Even more hilarious than the story itself are the sources The Daily Mail used for it. For example, they spoke to another gold smuggler, known only as Sajila, who was kind enough to enlighten us on the maximum amount of gold a smuggler should force up their ass.
‘We practice carrying the gold and try walking and sitting normally to avoid customs officials. Food or water is strict no during assignments. There are a few exercises we do that make work easier and help us carry more gold.
The maximum one can carry in the rear is up to 800 grams broken into pieces.’
Poor guy got done in by a combination of negligence and greed. If he had just read the Ass-Smuggling Handbook, he would have known to cut himself off at a couple of bars.