Florida Man Tried To Steal $7 Billion Because Jesus Wanted Him To

Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

John Michael Haskew of Lakeland, Florida was experiencing some hard times. Back in December, he was unemployed and needed money, so he opted to make fraudulent wire transfers. Haskew didn’t go for chump change either, as he was busted trying to steal over $7 billion in various bank transactions.

Here’s FOX25 with Haskew’s wild reasoning behind committing this crime.

When asked why he continued to make the wire transfers, Haskew told investigators that he believed he deserved the money, court documents said.

“(He stated) that Jesus Christ created wealth for everyone,” the criminal complaint said. “Using this scheme, Haskew believed that he could obtain the wealth that Jesus Christ created for him and that belonged to him.”

He was arrested on Dec. 16.

Haskew entered a guilty plea Thursday on a charge of making a false or fraudulent statement to a department or agency of the United States.

When he is sentenced, Haskew could face up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $250,000.

Haskew thought Jesus owed him $7 billion!? What a greedy prick. All I want from Jesus is for Atlanta to cover +3 tomorrow, and here we have this selfish bastard trying to get Bill Gates money.

While sitting in the slammer, Haskew needs to brush up on his Bible. Maybe start off with a little 1 Timothy 6:10, KJV: “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.” It could be a real eye-opener for him.

Related TopicsFunny News Florida
Toby HastyCOED Writer
Towson University graduate, Maryland resident, chicken parm connoisseur, and "Gin and Juice" karaoke performer. Follow me on Twitter for frequent complaining and Chappelle's Show quotes.
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