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Bella Thorne Checking In To Remind You She’s Still Very Hot But Also Still Very Crazy

Every guy knows or at least should know about the hot/crazy matrix. For those not in the know, the hot/crazy matrix is a science as crucial and concrete as Newton’s three laws and it is or at least should be every red-blooded male’s guiding ideology.

Now, I’m starting to worry Bella Thorne may be on the wrong end of the hot/crazy matrix. If we’re using the hallowed guidelines of the matrix, Bella Thorne is easy past an eight on the hot axis, putting her in potentially one of four categories.:

Unicorns, wife zone, date zone, and of course, the danger zone. As we all know or at least as we all should know, a unicorn has not yet been discovered, so that’s off the table. Wife zone is also off the table because Bella Thorne was a child actress and therefore you know is going to unravel one day down the road. So that only leaves the date zone, which, unfortunately, is also not an option. I’m pretty sure ol’ Bella here went through three legitimate boyfriends in 2016 (that we know of), and if you want to know how something is going to act in the future, you should first look at its past.

So, by decree of the hot/crazy matrix, Bella Thorne is officially in the danger zone, and her blue hair is just a visual representation of that.

But having said that, do I think Bella Thorne’s crazy blue hair is hot? Of course I do.

  • Eric ItalianoCOED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com
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