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Persistence Is Key: Woman Sleeps With Teenager Because He Was So Damn Annoying

via Shutterstock

via Shutterstock

This is quite possibly my favorite sex scandal of all time. The woman involved didn’t even try to make up some elaborate psychological sob story, she just owned it. They say owning up and showing remorse in court can help you get a lighter sentencing, but I think that’s just something they tell the idiots they hope will admit to their crimes. This woman knew she was screwed and she went down guns blazing, and for that, I respect her. But as much as I respect this old bull, it’s nowhere near as much as I respect the young calf in this scenario.

The teen, who has yet to be identified, got the wheels turning on this whole roadshow with a simple text message. And not only was it a text message, but it was the most nonchalant “You up?” text in the history of sexting.

The message the boy sent her?

“Would you like to have sex?”

That’s it. No slick intro, no one-liners, no dick pics, no euphemisms, our man right here’s a meat and potatoes guy, got straight to the point. And since game recognizes game, her response was equally as Jordanesque.

“Okay then,” Christine Mitchell, 42, replied.

Best part is? Kid didn’t even think he stood a chance. The unidentified boy told the Grimsby Crown Court he sent the message to her, “just to see what she would say.” That’s like lining up for a sacrifice bunt and accidentally mashing a Grand Slam.

Via NY Post:

Mitchell later told police that she agreed because she felt “under pressure” and “was fed up of saying ‘no,’” after being “pestered” by the boy, prosecutors said.

After having sex for the first time, Mitchell, a Manchester resident, flirtatiously gave the teen “the eye” on other occasions, sparking a sexual relationship that lasted for 18 months, the court was told.

That is how it’s done, boys. AT LEAST 50% of the girls I’ve slept with in my life did so just to shut me up. Persistence is key in all facets of life. If you want to be great, if you want to succeed, you must be persistent. Sure, Brett Favre threw the most interceptions of all time, but he also has thrown more touchdowns than anyone not named Peyton Manning. You think Kobe is the third all-time leading scorer because he was efficient? F*ck no. He shot and shot and shot until his arms fell off. How about Trump? You think he won the election because he popped up on the news a couple of times a week? Trump got elected cause he was screaming in our faces every day to the point where the American people got mindf*cked into voting for him.

Persistence, people. It’ll make you the greatest quarterback of all-time, the President of the United States, and if you’re lucky, you’ll even get to sleep with a MILF.

Let this line live in eternity: “I got fed up with saying ‘No’,” she claimed.

(Also, I just wanna give a quick shout out to the man eating Chinese food in that stock photo up there. All-time power move eating in bed after sex, especially when it’s stanky Chinese.)

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Eric ItalianoCOED Writer
A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com
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