Ryan Burdette is a 22-year-old man from Florida who had money in his pocket and lust in his heart. Like a horny idiot, he was busted in a prostitution sting last week after getting tricked by a Backpage ad. Burdette thought he was chatting with a hooker, but it was really an undercover detective.
Via The Smoking Gun, here’s how everything went so badly for Burdette.
After meeting up at a Residence Inn in Port St. Lucie, Burdette allegedly negotiated with the female undercover and arrived at a price of $34 for an act detailed in a probable cause affidavit.
Sadly, the court filing does not further describe the negotiation’s opening offer, counter proposal, or how the pair settled on such an odd price. Or if the accused john drove a hard bargain.
Burdette was charged with soliciting prostitution, a misdemeanor.
I don’t even know if I’m allowed to type out what Burdette was looking to purchase. Let’s just say that it involved an eggplant emjoi, a squirt emoji, and the undercover detective’s chest.
While I’m sure Burdette is super bummed and embarrassed that he got caught soliciting a prostitute, he shouldn’t be too hard on himself. He showed some real business acumen brokering a sex act of that caliber for just $34. His phone’s probably already blowing up with offers from employers all over the world, itching to lock up such a shrewd negotiator. A penny saved is a penny earned, and that principle applies in everything from buying stock to buying sex acts.