I had last week off for Thanksgiving, and thanks goodness for my bookie because I have been SCORCHING hot lately. I’ve gone 8-2 Weeks 10 and 11 and hit my Lock of the Week during Week 11. I am riding high right now and I don’t see that stopping anytime in the near future. I couldn’t be more confident in my picks for this Sunday, so I’m done wasting everyone’s precious time. Let’s get it going with the winners for Week 14:
Broncos -3.5 @ Jaguars
This is such a sucker’s bet and I don’t even care. The Broncos had a rough loss last week to the Chiefs, and desperately need a win to stay in the AFC Playoff hunt. Fortunately for them, they get to play the crappy Jaguars. I don’t care that they have to travel and play in Jacksonville, the Broncos are clearly the better team, and it’s going to show on Sunday. I actually don’t mind Blake Bortles as a quarterback, but he is going to have a ton of trouble scoring on this Denver defense. I know there’s a chance that Trevor Siemian may not play, and even if that’s the case I’ll still take my chances with Paxton Lynch under center.
Packers -6.5 vs Texans
Not huge on this pick, but I’m going with the Packers strictly out of spite against the worthless piece of shit that is Brock Osweiler. That asshole ruined my fantasy team this year because he couldn’t figure out how to get my first round draft pick DeAndre Hopkins the ball all season, and made me look like an idiot for taking him. He sucks, and I wish for nothing but bad things to happen to him from now until the rest of forever. Go to hell, Brock Osweiler. Packers by 100.
Lions +6.5 @ Saints
I have no idea what’s going on with the Lions this year, but they continue to keep pulling these games out of their asses. Seven wins, all of which have come from fourth quarter comebacks. The Saints score a ton, but their defense sucks so I think that Matthew Stafford, aka the Staff Sergeant, aka Frat Stafford, will at least be able to keep it close. Don’t let us down here, Detroit, the entire country is pulling for you. I may have made that last part up, but 2016 is Year of the Lovable Losers, just ask the Chicago Cubs, Leo DiCaprio (okay he’s not a loser but he finally won an Oscar), and the entire city of Cleveland. Detroit Rock City!
Buccaneers +3.5 @ Chargers
Here comes the Bucs! After going 3-5 the first half of the season, Tampa won their last three, including two very impressive wins over Kansas City and Seattle. Jameis Winston has been playing some great football down the stretch, and the team has really started to rally behind him, as they’re now only a game behind Atlanta for first place in the AFC South. I never know what to make of San Diego, but they don’t have much of a home field advantage, so I’m rolling with the Bucs on Sunday.
49ers @ Bears UNDER 43.5 – Lock of the Week
In case you were living under a rock for the past few months, both of these teams stink. I’ll actually go on record to say this might be the worst game of 2016, and there have been a lot of bad games. Neither team wants to win this game because the loser is probably going to get the second pick in the draft, so if you were expecting a lot of scoring, I’ve got some bad news for you. The Niners will probably win, but it’ll be by some score like 13-10. Don’t try to get fancy and outsmart your bookie by thinking it’s going to be a shootout, just do yourself a favor and take the under.
Winners on winners. At the worst, I’ll go 3-2 with these picks, which is still a winning week. Follow my picks and get some extra spending money for all your holiday shopping. You’re welcome everyone.
Record on the season(started in Week 6): 18-10-2
Locks of the Week: 3-3