Arkansas Man Covered In Marker Arrested For Public Intoxication

The Smoking Gun

The Smoking Gun

Luis Humberto Ramirez hit the sauce a little too hard on Thanksgiving, as the Arkansas man was arrested for public intoxication. Here’s The Smoking Gun with all of the details:

The 36-year-old was arrested Thursday evening for public intoxication after cops in Mountain Home, Arkansas found him reeking of booze and “holding onto a pillar for support” outside a shelter in the Ozark Mountains city.

“The offender’s face was covered with permanent marker,” reported a cop who was unaware how Ramirez gained a triangular soul patch and other facial adornments.

Ramirez had scrapes all over his body, and he was so damn drunk that police were unable to give him a Breathalyzer test. It’s usually not wise to jump to conclusions, but all you really needed was one look at Ramirez’s face to tell that he was bombed. The last time I checked, sober people don’t walk around looking like the doodles of a bored middle school student.

Ramirez has since posted bail and been released from police custody. Let’s hope that he headed straight to the so-called friends that did this to him while he was passed out. Hindsight being 20/20, they should’ve just teabagged him and then Saran Wrapped him to a sofa. They would’ve had a laugh and Ramirez wouldn’t have gotten arrested for stumbling around town. That’s a win-win situation for everyone involved.

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    Toby HastyCOED Writer
    Towson University graduate, Maryland resident, chicken parm connoisseur, and "Gin and Juice" karaoke performer. Follow me on Twitter for frequent complaining and Chappelle's Show quotes.