Let me save you the trouble of reading the article. Here’s how J.J. Watt wraps up an article titled ‘Am I Done?’: “The kid in me is back. Am I done? Hell no. I’m just getting started.”
WHOLE – E – SCHIT. Could this guy be any f*cking cornier? Those four lines right there sound like a 15-year-old screenwriter writing a sports movie. That sounds like the WWE’s biggest babyface giving a speech at the end of Smackdown. It sounds like classic J.J. Watt: trying WAY too hard. I seriously think this guy believes he’s Captain America and it’s absolutely infuriating.
As I announced to the office that I was going to take a shit on Watt, our editor-in-chief asked how I could possibly hate on J.J. Watt. Little did he know, he was answering his own question. I hate J.J. Watt because people have to ask why I hate him. He’s like the NFL’s version of Taylor Swift: a carefully crafted image created to sell tickets and jerseys to parents and especially their kids. It wouldn’t surprise me if J.J. Watt has appeared on a children’s cartoon at some point in his life. As for a jaded 23-year-old like myself, I’m having none of his shit. For all the reasons people don’t like Russell Wilson, the same applies to Watt.
Don’t get me wrong, J.J. Watt is a fantastic player, a great guy, and an excellent role model for children. But he’s also a walking cringe-factory and I ain’t having it. Not even a little.