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Our Week 9 NFL Power Rankings Are Here And Please God Don’t Give Us A Patriots-Cowboys Superbowl

NFL power rankings week 9

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Well, the calendar has officially turned over to November (my birthday month, by the way) and the NFL playoff race is going to start heating up here soon. At the halfway point in the season, the play of a majority of teams is still piss poor, but yet I still keep coming back every Sunday for more. As bad as the NFL has been this year, I’m still going to miss the hell out of it once the Super Bowl is over, come February, so soak it all in while you still can.

These power rankings get tougher to do each week because there are only a few teams that are consistently in the top ten each week, so I keep having to find new teams to insert in spots 7-10. Coming off their bye week, my New York Giants still don’t crack the top ten, but hopefully in a few more weeks they’ll be in there, but they won’t because I don’t deserve happiness.


1. New England Patriots

NFL power rankings week 9

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Another week and another dominating win for the Pats, which has been the narrative for the past 15+ years. As I’ve written the past few weeks, Tom Brady continues to throw three touchdowns a game and still hasn’t had any turnovers since his return, and I’m sure I’ll continue to write that for the remainder of the season. New England is just a well-oiled machine that shows no signs of slowing down, and a healthy Rob Gronkowski just makes matters even worse for the rest of the league. I’ll even go as far to say that I already have them penciled into the Super Bowl, and probably winning it.


2. Dallas Cowboys

NFL power rankings week 9

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I’m getting sick and tired of having to write about how good the Cowboys are each week, but here we are yet again. They had an extremely impressive come-from-behind win versus division rival Philadelphia on Sunday (huge overtime cover by Dallas, so that was cool), and they look to be the class of the NFC. Dak Prescott and Zeke Elliot are going to give me nightmares for years to come, their offensive line still beats the hell out of defensive fronts, and Dez Bryant looks to be good again. I hate everything and I need Jerry Jones to find a way to mess this up somehow in the worst way.


3. Minnesota Vikings

NFL power rankings week 9

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First things first, big congrats to Stefon Diggs for winning me my fantasy game last night, what a gutsy and heroic performance. As for the Vikings though, how the hell do you lose to the Bears? Their offensive line looks like one of the worst in the league, which means Sam Bradford’s yearly injury is upon us. I still think that the Vikings defense is good enough to keep them in the playoff picture, and I like the weapons they have on offense as well. Hopefully Adrian Peterson gives them a spark when he gets back from injury, but who the hell knows because I’m pretty sure I could tackle him in the backfield with how bad their line has been as of late.


4. Denver Broncos

NFL power rankings week 9

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After losing two in a row, the Broncos have gotten back on track and have won their last two games. As much as I love their defense, I still don’t know if I trust Trevor Siemian just yet, definitely not enough to go win a playoff game in New England, and I think the loss of C.J. Anderson will end up hurting them as we get later into the season. Also, if Siemian wanted to throw more balls to Demaryius Thomas I’d be greatly appreciative, I’m trying to reel off some wins in fantasy here.


5. Kansas City Chiefs

NFL power rankings week 9

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The Chiefs continue to quietly go about their business, and have jumped to a 5-2 record on the season. As I wrote last week, they don’t do anything that wows you, but they still find ways to win. As good as KC is feeling right now being right in the thick of a tight AFC West race, everyone and their mother knows that Andy Reid will eventually cost them a crucial game by not any clock management skills whatsoever. God bless you, your mustache, and your gut, Andy Reid.


6. Oakland Raiders

NFL power rankings week 9

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Jack Del Rio man, that dude has some balls, or he’s just a goddamn lunatic. Either way, his gutsy play calling this year has the Raiders sitting atop of the AFC West at 6-2. Derek Carr is right up there in the MVP discussion for this season, and has just been awesome; him and Amari Cooper are going to be so fun to watch for years to come. Their defense still kind of sucks, which is probably not a good thing going forward, but they still keep winning these close games, which gives a young team a ton of confidence.


7. Atlanta Falcons

NFL power rankings week 9

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Hotlanta! I’ve been hesitant to put them in the top ten the past few weeks because I still think they’re frauds, but Sunday’s win against the Packers was very impressive. Much like Derek Carr, Matt Ryan is also having an MVP season, which is the main reason for the team’s success; it also doesn’t hurt having Julio Jones either. They benefit greatly from playing in a shitty division, but that isn’t their fault. I don’t see them being Super Bowl contenders, but they could maybe make some noise come playoff time.


8. Seattle Seahawks

NFL power rankings week 9

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I have no idea why I still believe in the Seahawks, but I do. Russell Wilson not having a touchdown in his last three games is not the best look, but I’m not ready to write him off just yet. He’s been playing behind a shitty offensive line with a lingering knee injury, but I think this team is good enough to make the right adjustments to get them back on track. I also think Kam Chancellor coming back will be a big boost to their defense, and put them back as one of the most feared in the NFL. Don’t you quit on me just yet, Seattle.


9. Houston Texans

NFL power rankings week 9

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Another team that benefits greatly from playing in a shitty division, I’d even go so far as to say that it’s the worst in all of sports. The Houston Texans finally crack my top ten. I don’t really think the Texans are that good at all, but with how bad the NFL has been this year, I have no choice but to put them in. Their defense has been relatively decent this year, even without All-World Douchebag JJ Watt, but goddammit figure it out Brock Osweiler you shit head. He’s not only screwing over the Texans this year by being a terrible quarterback who’s getting paid a shit ton of money, he’s screwing over me as a fantasy owner because I took DeAndre Hopkins in the first round, and he can’t figure out how to get him the ball. So yeah, I don’t like the Texans, but five wins in the league going into Week 9 gets you in the top ten in my fantasy rankings.


10. Green Bay Packers

NFL power rankings week 9

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It was either them or the Eagles I put here, but I hate the Eagles and Aaron Rodgers did awesome for my fantasy team this past week, so the Packers get the final spot. Their defense has been pretty good this year, but they have no running game and their receivers have still been struggling to get open. Fortunately for the Pack, Rodgers has played very well his past two games, which hopefully for them and my fantasy team means he’s flipped the switch and is ready to team up for the rest of the season. Rodgers! Discount Double Check!

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