Gainesville, FL Is Set For One Helluva Hurricane Matthew Party Right Now


As written by a UF student Campus Ambassador

As Hurricane Mathew approaches the Swamp, UF officials are not quick enough to close campus. In fact, the school’s mascot should change to freaking sloth. Most universities announced closure, such as UNF and South Carolina but not UF. It wasn’t until 12 PM EST that the university decided to close campus from 3PM till Monday morning. Freshman fell trap to this evil prank by authorities, since they’re the only ones that showed up classes. Museum avenue has more freshman running around like wild toddlers than ever before, it may be slightly larger than the crowd of families and overly protective mommas at Fall Orientation.

As of now, there’s currently no gas in any gas station. Walmart and other grocery stores are out of water, excluding Dasani because no one drinks that, and the Liquor isle’s have been raided by Pike (Pi Kappa Alpha). They literally drove their Hummers to the entrance and stopped traffic. Wind, rain, and pastel colors are the only things visible from the outside. Can’t wait for that hurricane party.

In other news, Hurricane Mathew is now accompanied by Tropical Storm Nicole, his baby mama. It’s rumored that he will hit Florida from the back twice. Donald Trump Jr was scheduled to come to the LSU game this weekend, but we thank Mother Nature for saying hell no.


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