Killer clown sightings have been on the rise since they were first spotted in South Carolina trying to lure children into the woods with offers of candy and money. And they’re not just popping up in the backwoods of the South anymore, as people have now spotted these makeup-wearing maniacs on college campuses across the country.
And while the police would say that the clowns are nothing to worry about, you all know better. Halloween is still weeks away and these freaks are out in the daylight trying to scare the bejeezus out of everyone. It’s time to take back our country, America. So while you go out and hunt these clowns to the last one, we’ll be hunkered down in our fortified basement making sure that no one comes in or out. OK?