It may be the greatest existential dilemma of my young life: Is Iggy Azalea hot?
It’s a seemingly simple question, with a far more convoluted answer. Kind of like Batman V. Superman. On the surface, it seems like a no-brainer of a question, and that the consensus of Iggy Azalea among bros should be such: “Well, yeah, her music sucks. But I’d hit it. You know you wouldn’t say no, bro.” Fair. I definitely would not say no. But that doesn’t answer the question: is Iggy Azalea hot?
First, her latest photo shoot, from Remix Magazine:
Again, shouldn’t be a hard decision. But let’s examine further, because I have a couple of theories:
Theory #1: She’s a clone (or something): You conspiracy theorists out there will know where I’m coming from, but Iggy Azalea, for better or for worse, looks like she was genetically engineered in an experimental lab somewhere in Europe. Also, it looks like the scientists used too much “stuff”. I don’t know what the “stuff” is, but whatever makes her ass and lips and basically every feature she has look like that, they used too much of it. I mean, sh*t, she looks like one of the dudes from White Chicks.
Theroy #2: Iggy Azalea is an advanced AI sex doll that became sentient (similar to the chick in Terminator 3: Rise of The Machines): Take a good hard look at that first picture and tell me she doesn’t look like a sex doll. If you’ve never seen a stereotypical sex doll, this is what it looks like:
Eerily similar, I know. AND, if you don’t believe in the whole “AI sex doll” thing, check out these very real Google search suggestions:
Theory #3: She’s a horrible rapper with questionable plastic surgery that is just trolling us all at this point: Yawn. Next.
Theory #4: She’s an alien, which would explain her music: They snuck Nicki Minaj past us, so they thought they thought they could do it again with Iggy Azalea. How wrong they were. Iggy Azalea is an alien, straight the f*ck up, and she’s not very good at hiding it. Check out this video:
If that isn’t alien tongue, then I don’t know WTF it is. It certainly isn’t any identifiable human language.
Conclusion: Despite the fact we literally have no idea who/what she is, Iggy Azalea is hot, and any guy that says they wouldn’t sleep with her is a two faced liar. However, that does not diminish the fact that she could be any one of these theories, and that she can not be trusted.