Spring Break 101
March 2016 ~ Mon – Fri, 12am – 12am ~ The Beach
Professor: Dr. COED
Office Hours: 5pm -7pm. The bar with the best happy hour.
As a result of completing this course, students will be able to:
Vaguely remember what went on during the week that they were away, only to find outrageous photos of drunken debauchery on their phone a week later while bored in class.
Impress their friends with stories of how much they drank in a day, and how many people they were able to hook up within the week. Most of it will likely be false, but it won’t stop them from making it sound like the craziest spring break ever.
Get some color and come back to campus tanned or burned, instead of looking like the pale ghosts that have been floating around college campuses since November.
Create lasting memories with friends, some of which will be shared and some which will remain between those who were there to experience them. What happens on spring break stays on spring break, right?
This course is run on a pass-fail basis. By taking part and completing the course, all enrolled students will have gained valuable experience that can only benefit them in the future. If you feel that this is not the case after completion of the course, please inform your friends that they let you down, as this should be the best course of the year.
This is a beginner’s course, but students must have completed the following:
Book a trip somewhere. If you are only doing this now, you are definitely late to the game, but it’s still possible.
Buy the essentials. This means bathing suits, sunglasses, sunscreen, dizzy bats, funnels, etc. You’re going to want to be prepared with all this stuff before going. No doubt the prices for these essential items will be horrendously high wherever you go because shops love taking advantage of drunken college kids just trying to enjoy spring break.
Look for and book activities for the week. Buying tickets to shows, booze cruises, and beach parties will be cheaper if you buy them in advance. It’ll also allow you to plan out your week, which will reduce any indecision you have about what to do each day.
Last but not least, know your limits! Pretty essential to having the most amount of fun, as no one wants you to end up in the emergency room during this week.
Below is a rough outline of how the week may go:
Wake up ridiculously early because no doubt you’ve booked the earliest flight out, not only because it’s the cheapest option, but also because it means you have a reason to start drinking at an unreasonable hour of the morning.
Arrive at your destination and take in your surroundings, so that you know exactly which way to stumble home early the next morning.
Commence in the festivities of spring break by breaking out that new swimsuit, forgetting to put on sunscreen, and drinking some sort of brightly colored, alcoholic punch for the rest of the day.
Wake up and immediately regret not putting on sunscreen, so you guilt trip your friend into applying extra to soothe the pain.
Spend the day on the beach or around the pool, getting lit and meeting new people. This will include guys who have been in the gym since spring break 2015, girls who are looking to let loose for a few days, and strange older people who booked a holiday without realizing what they were getting themselves into.
Discuss what the plan is for that night over some rubbery calamari that the hotel/restaurant you have made your first choice eating spot undoubtedly sells.
Hunt for water, because you’ve woken up and you feel like you’ve made out with a vacuum and lost all the moisture in your mouth.
Spend the day on the booze cruise you booked prior to coming, and be unsure whether the boat’s rocking from waves or you’re swaying because of the amount you’ve drank. Find a significant other for the entirety of the cruise, only to forget their name and number after disembarking.
Rally, and force some drinks down you before heading to the bars to find the person you were getting intimate with on the cruise. You don’t find them, so you grab a few drinks and dance until you drop.
It’s your last day. You wake up early as to make the most of the daily paradise that is spring break. This will include taking one last dip in the ocean, one last game of beach volleyball, and one last tequila shot before 11am.
At this point your body is in a constant state of ambiguity, not knowing whether it’s intoxicated or not. Some may think this is a bad thing, but these people would be wrong, as it allows you to power through all day until it’s time to head out.
You hit your favorite bars one last time, in the hope of making the night one for the record books. However, this is when the alcohol decides to take affect, and the last thing you remember is expressing your undying love for someone you’ve just met.
Scramble to pack your bag because the bus to the airport leaves in 5 minutes and you’ve just woken up.
Take one last glace out of the bus window at the locations where all the memories have been made and forgotten over the past few days.
Sit in the airport wishing that you hadn’t drank that third fishbowl last night, as your head feels like it’s about to explode and no amount of Advil and water can help.
Get home, get into bed, and sleep off your hangover until classes start back up on Monday.
Expectations for Class:
By taking part in this course, you will be expected to have a blast, make some decisions that you will most likely regret, and create some memories that you’ll never forget. Importantly, you must be safe in everything you do, but this shouldn’t stop you from having the best week of your life. SPRING BREAK 2016!