Madison Square Garden's Owner Lets His Dumb Band Open for the Eagles

It takes a special kind of inflated ego to want to be a big wig in the music industry. Think about it. You have to have the balls to tell the world that you know exactly what kind of music they want to listen to even if it sounds so horrid that it would make goats stop screwing. That explains why the band opening for the Eagles this weekend at Madison Square Garden in New York City is fronted by the owner of (wait for it) Madison Square Garden.
Owner Jim Dolan’s band–called JD & The Straight Shot--went to the band’s Facebook page to announce that they’ll be the featured opening act to play before the Eagles’ big show this weekend. The group describes itself as a mix between “down n’ dirty blues” with a “classic rock swagger” mixed with song lyrics that have a right wing political bent. It just sounds friggin’ awful. Take, for instance, one of the group’s peppy blues songs called Governor’s Song that actually features a damn kazoo. The mere presence of a kazoo in any rock song means that the band really doesn’t have the talent to tackle anything more complicated than a child’s toy that’s thrown out as trinkets in Mardi Gras parades.
If that wasn’t bad enough, Eagles fans will have to fork over $150 for the privilege to see the band live, and endure what’s sure to be one of the worst opening acts in music history. So kids, there’s a lesson here. The only way to ensure that you’ll make it in the music business is to buy your own massive stadium and book yourself into it. It might be expensive, but we all know that money equals talent.