The worlds of hip hop, rock and whatever it is you call the music Kings of Leon make will collide in Chicago’s Hyde Park for Lollapalooza this weekend. Those who can’t partake in the soundgasms from the festival can console themselves in the NFL’s return, including the Hall of Fame ceremony and accompanying preseason game. Gamers can get hyped over the first Trials Fusion DLC pack, and soccer and wrestling geeks alike have a pair of fake flop-filled exhibitions to savor.
(Friday through Sunday, Chicago)
Grant Park will be the center of the music world for the next three days. The festival, headlined by Eminem, Outkast and Kings of Leon, is guaranteed to boast crazy crowds, ear-ringing grooves and mind-blowing hotties. There’s a little something at Lollapalooza for a wide range of tastes. If you’re not jealous of everyone who’s going, check your pulse.
Get your tickets here.
Trials Fusion: Riders of the Rustlands DLC
The spiritual successor to Excitebike, the Trials series dares you to guide a stunt motorbiker through improbably vertical obstacle courses. The more you stay upright, the faster you go and more tricks you pull off, the tougher your finishing time is to top by your friends. The already robust PS4/Xbox One/Xbox 360 download gets even bigger with its first DLC pack. The $5 add-on boasts 10 tracks, 18 challenges and loads of unlockables. If you spring for the $20 season pass, you get this and five more DLC packs yet to come.
National Mustard Day
This is the day all those heathens who ruin their hot dogs with ketchup can suck it. The yellow supercondiment is so powerful, it can even make your dad’s burnt-to-crisp backyard grill burgers fairly tolerable. Whether you prefer the ghetto generic stuff, limo-rider-preferred Grey Poupon or so-tasty-you-can-drink-it honey mustard, Saturday is the time to overindulge on the tangy sauce.
Manchester United vs. Real Madrid at Michigan Stadium
(Saturday, 4 p.m. EST, Fox)
Many of the world’s best players (photo above) will be in action in Ann Arbor, as old friends Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo go head-to-head. While it may not matter who wins, there will be enough athleticism and artistry on display to make you forget they’re playing in a game that doesn’t matter in a sport that doesn’t matter.
Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Ceremony
(Saturday, 7 p.m. EST, ESPN2)
Michael Strahan, Andre Reed and Derrick Brooks are the biggest names to receive the NFL’s ultimate honor. As you take in their tearful, humblebrag-filled speeches, you can take bets on which of your heroes are generally moved by the grandeur of the moment and which have suffered too many concussions to put coherent words together.
WrestleMania 30: The World Television Premiere
(Sunday 6 p.m. EST, NBC)
Sure, it’s just a rebroadcast of the April pay-per-view event, but if you’re cheap or don’t keep up with your WWE drama, it will be all new to you. This hourlong highlight show runs down WrestleMania 30’s top bouts, including John Cena-Bray Wyatt and the Undertaker-Brock Lesnar.
NFL Preseason Hall of Fame Game: Giants vs. Bills
(Sunday 8 p.m. EST, NBC)
Finally, real football is back. Sure, it’s just a preseason game, with the starters hanging around only for a quarter or so. Still, there’s plenty of drama to be had the rest of the way. Tweeners will be battling for roster spots on either the teams they suit up for, or others who are scouting them. The final score may not count for anything, but every play will matter.
Yankees at Red Sox
(Sunday 8 p.m. EST, ESPN)
The Yankees and Red Sox both may suck this year, but testy battles between the two hated rivals always make for a spectacle. No matter which team prevails, it will be fun to gloat in the misery of the obnoxious fans on the losing side.