10 Things Guys Need To Know About “Guardians of the Galaxy”

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10 Things Guys Need to Know About Guardians of the Galaxy

We’ll dare to say that Guardians of the Galaxy is getting a little overrated today–but we’re guessing a lot of that has to do with critics and fans trying to rationalize getting very excited over a comic-book movie that plays like a comic book. It’s a really simple film that’s crammed full of great characters, smart dialogue, and memorable moments. Also, you’ll never be more emotionally attached to a raccoon or a log. At least, we hope not.

Guardians of the Galaxy is also geeky enough that comic-book fans have an awful lot to ponder. Meanwhile, more passing fans have a lot to learn. After all, Guardians of the Galaxy is a massive step into the far reaches of the Marvel Universe. We’re way past the semi-realistic roots of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man movies now.

So catch up on a few vital plot points that’ll help you drop some science while talking about the movie afterwards. It’s a movie that’ll get you talking…

Guardians of the Galaxy was a weird project for Marvel Studios to announce, because they’re pretty much third-tier characters in the Marvel universe–but the studio took a gamble and spent a lot of money on this one. See it on a big screen.
 
“Pelvic sorcery” just became 2014’s biggest euphemism for sex.
 
The sequel gets set up with talk of Star-Lord’s father at the end of the movie, but he’s had two different dads in the comics. It’s either Emperor Jason or J’son of Spartax–so things should stay pretty much like a comic book either way.
 
Also, the two coolest members of the original Guardians of the Galaxy–from back in the 1970s–were this walking prism named Martinex T’Naga and a walking cube named Captain Charlie-27. Rocket Raccoon is more fun than we expected, but we want Martinex and Charlie in the next Guardians.
Groot used to be a bad guy who wanted to take over the Earth back when he first showed up in the Marvel comic books, so we’re not sure when he got so mellow.
We’re still not convinced that Star-Lord ever really saw this movie, because the timeline just isn’t realistic.
 
Fans of Yondu will be a little disappointed at how he’s treated in Guardians of the Galaxy–but Michael Rooker gives a great performance, and we still think we’ll see more of Yondu with the big flowing red mohawk.
 
James Gunn is the director of Guardians of the Galaxy, and he’s already made a really good movie called Super that’s more of a reality-based superhero film. It also has Ellen Page in the sexiest outfit that we’ll probably ever get out of her.
The closing credits are a nice reminder of how much is going on in Guardians of the Galaxy. You’ll want to watch it again to see Tortured Pink Girl, “Drop The Leg” Guard, and Sad Woman with Horns. Also, the Xandarian Ladies Man, which has Stan Lee in his best comic-book movie cameo since the one above. (Bonus geekery: Stan didn’t think he’d show up in this movie, since he didn’t actually help create the Guardians of the Galaxy–but adding Groot probably brought him on a technicality.)
And the final closing credits scene (the one at the very end) isn’t just a big deal because it features an aquarium mammal. It features an aquarium mammal that hasn’t been seen on the big screen since starring in his own box-office bomb back in 1986.
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