11 Reasons Why This Weekend Won’t Suck (July 25-27)

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Why This Weekend Won't Suck - Jul 25 - Jul 27

This weekend will definitely not suck for those who managed to make their way to sweet, lovely San Diego, where they will ignore the beach, wait in neverending lines and gawk at supermodel-like women dressed in Slave Leia costumes. For geeks, life gets no better than Comic-Con International. If you didn’t manage to make the trip, you can tide yourself over with a hot fudge sundae, some sweet Dark Souls II DLC, some baseball or one last night at the movies with the sadly departed Philip Seymour Hoffman.

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Comic-Con International: San Diego

(All Weekend)

All facets of the entertainment world collide in California’s slice of paradise for a mind-blowing showgasm of celebrities, cosplayers, project reveals and full-frontal nerdity. If you’re the jealous type, stay off of Facebook and Twitter as much as possible this weekend, lest you be bombarded by humblebrags from buddies who managed to make it out there while you wail and gnash your teeth at home, bitter that you didn’t find a way to make the pilgrimage. “Next year,” you’ll tell yourself, just like you did last year and the year before.

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Tomorrowland: Weekend 2

(All weekend)

Round two of the world’s most popular electronic music festival has already started going on in Boom, Belgium (best name for a host town of a festival ever). If you’re stuck at home at any point this weekend and want to see what’s popping, check the live stream below. [WS]


 

Lucy

(In theaters now)

This bizarre sci-fi film is basically a comic-book movie, complete with a quickie origin on how Scarlett Johansson’s daffy student in Taiwan ends up being able to access the secrets of the universe. It’s a really dumb movie with lots of big ideas and even bigger plot holes–but that’s a pretty strong endorsement for the best stoner film of the year. It’ll fly right by, too. The movie would barely be an hour long if it wasn’t for the closing credits and Morgan Freeman literally lecturing us on mankind’s limitations. [JRT]


Dark Souls II DLC

Dark Souls II: Crown of the Sunken King DLC

(Out Now)

The first of three DLC chapters coming to the brutally difficult dungeon crawler adds a swarm of new enemies, environments, traps and bosses. Dark Souls II was already overflowing with content, and the new stuff gives you even more reasons to let the grim fantasy world sink its bloody hooks into you. Underground caverns and spooky, open-air pyramids are among the new attractions. The add-on is $10, and is also a part of the $25 season pass.


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Amazon Fire Phone

(Friday)

Ever discovering ways to make you want to buy more crap you don’t need, Amazon has concocted a smartphone that lets you scan every day items, find them on the site and impulse-order them. The phone also has a 3D screen and a quad-core processor. It’s exclusive to AT&T, in order to give the carrier’s subscribers that old-fashioned feeling of superiority they had back before the iPhone started to stray like the common trollop it is today.


A Most Wanted Man

A Most Wanted Man

(Friday)

If you’re not in the mood for the bombast of megabudget releases Hercules or Lucy, check out this rave-reviewed indie. In one of his final performances before he died, Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a Russian-Chechen immigrant who travels to Germany to take over his criminal father’s riches. Federal agents hunt him down all the while, unsure if he’s just out to make himself rich or is a sleeper terrorist. Rachel McAdams, Robin Wright and Willem Dafoe round out a strong cast in this adaptation of a John Le Carre novel.


sundae

National Hot Fudge Sundae Day

(Saturday)

Steaming globs of chocolate are the surest way to make a bowl of vanilla ice cream irresistible rather than boring. Break out the Hershey’s syrup and slather a scoop or four as you pay tribute to the delicious dessert. It will be just like childhood, only your dad won’t be yelling at you and you won’t be able to fit into your pants the next day.


 

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Mega Shark Versus Mecha Shark

(9 pm EST, Saturday, Syfy Channel)

Syfy begins the big build-up to Wednesday’s Sharknado 2 with this other sequel to a sharky Syfy franchise. We’ve already had Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus and Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, and now the Mega Shark goes up against its mechanical replica–just like Godzilla did back in 1977’s Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. You know, it’s not a bad idea just because it’s been done before. [JRT]


CFL

CFL: Toronto at Saskatchewan

(11 p.m. Saturday, ESPN 2)

This is a stretch, sure, but at least it’s not MLS or WNBA. And most importantly, it’s football. Or at least what passes for football in these dreary summer days. Could be worse, too. America’s Hat plays a relatively sane variety of football, as opposed to wacky, rugby-like Aussie football or that wacky game show known as the Arena Football League. Flip on the game and catch some players you vaguely remember from college try not to get injured as they vie for NFL scouts’ attention.


Manhattan

Manhattan Series Premiere

(Sunday 9 p.m. EST, WGN)

This World War II-set cable drama captures the intrigue of the breakneck race to develop the tide-turning atomic bomb. WGN isn’t exactly known for knockout original programming, but this seems worth the benefit of the doubt. As you watch, you’ll be able to compare and contrast the great scientific minds of the 20th century to those bumbling professors of The Big Bang Theory.


Troy Tulowitzki

Pirates at Rockies

(Sunday 11:10 p.m. EST, MLB Network)

Two teams that started off the season hot have struggled of late and are trying to get back into contention. It’s worth staying up late just to see the Rockies’ incomparable Troy Tulowitzki rake at Coors Field, where he drills seemingly every other pitch that comes his way either over the fence or into it.

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