Getting all excited about all of the new films being announced at the San Diego Comic Con this week? Yeah, so are we–but don’t get too excited. Sometimes movies get made and then never get released. We know that’s not likely for the major summer movies of 2016, but life is harsh and sometimes you just never get to see the most important movies ever made. Specifically, movies that feature some of our favorite hot actresses.
And, yes, we can give you some examples. We can even give you ten examples of movies that once got us excited, and then decided to sit on the shelf while making us pretty miserable. Take a look below at ten films that seem pretty good–and yet have left some major beauties sitting on the shelf…
Zoe Saldana in Temptation
Avatar couldn’t get this movie released, so we’re thinking that Guardians of the Galaxy won’t get this Zoe Saldana movie any closer to the theaters. It’s marking a full decade on the shelf, too. It’s a rock ‘n roll take on the legend of Faust selling his soul to the devil, and we don’t really expect it to be better than the amazing Phantom of the Paradise. We do, however, expect Zoe to look pretty amazing. Get back to us on when we’re ready to sell our soul to see the thing.
Joss Stone in Snappers
Yeah, that’s British pop star Joss Stone (on the left) kissing a girl (Sarah Beck Mather) in Snappers, which has had a trailer floating around the internet since 2010–and it still hasn’t been released. Joss says the movie will probably never get seen, either, since the guys who made it “had some kind of crazy misunderstanding.” We’ll say. They’re misunderstanding how much we’d pay to see a movie with Joss Stone in a lesbian scene.
Sophie Monk in Spring Break ’83
This comedy supposedly finished all filming in 2009, after starting out in 2007–and we’re certainly curious about a parody of an ’80s spring break comedy that has plenty of vintage ’80s actors showing up in the cast. The producers hired enough of them to rack up a budget of $18 million, but we’re a lot more interested in Sophie Monk as a brand-new actress. We’re spending a lot of time imagining her in ’80s outfits. Couldn’t they have cast her in Hot Tub Time Machine?
Brooklyn Decker in Stretch
This is one movie that we never thought would get into trouble. He’s had some career problems, but director Joe Carnahan is still a hot property, and Stretch crams in stars like Chris Pine, Ed Helms, and David Hasselhoff in its tale of a chauffeur working for a maniacal millionaire. Also, there’s Brooklyn Decker in the movie, plus Jessica Alba, and even a perfect pairing of rising starlets Mindy Robinson and Anne McDaniels, too. We’d really like to see all those gals on the big screen. Stretch, however, was yanked from release shortly before this past March, and nobody’s quite sure what Universal Pictures is planning to do with the movie.
Tara Reid in Land of Canaan
It looks like not even Sharknado could provide the clout for Land of Canaan to get a release date. We’re not sure what went wrong with this 2009 thriller that’s based on a true story about multiple murders in a hotel. We just know that Tara Reid most likely managed to see the film to completion, and there are also rumors that Neve Campbell and Christina Applegate are in the cast. That’s enough to get us ready to buy a ticket–and we’ll keep a careful eye out, too, since we’re thinking that the movie is sure to get a title change if it ever is released.
Sienna Miller in Hippie Hippie Shake
This was supposed to be a look back at the Swinging ’60s in London–and Sienna Miller filmed at least one nude scene (as seen above) for this tale of crazy times. Sadly, things got too crazy behind the scenes, with the screenwriter and director both walking off the project over a big dispute with the producers. That was back in 2009, when the film was being edited. Did somebody salvage the nude scenes? That’s really all we need, folks.
Alicia Silverstone in Gods Behaving Badly
We won’t pretend that Alicia Silverstone has been a hot prospect lately. Even her big comeback attempt with Clueless director Amy Heckerling in last year’s Vamps ended up barely getting released. Alicia looked good in Vamps, though, and we’re curious to see this comedy about Greek gods screwing around in the lives of a New York couple. Maybe that’s not comedy gold, but we’re sure worst films have been released since wrapping up production in 2011.
Jamie Chung in 7500
This horror film about a haunted flight between Los Angeles and Tokyo was already delayed when we heard rumors of an October 2013 release. Now we’re hearing rumors of an October 2014 release, but we have our doubts. Meanwhile, we’re haunted by visions of Jamie Chung in a stewardess uniform–and Christian Serratos is in there, too.
Katrina Bowden in The Last Film Festival
The Last Film Festival probably never played film festivals. It’s a very low-budget movie starring Dennis Hopper (who died in 2010) as a desperate producer reduced to finding a real low-budget film fest as a showcase for his latest disaster of a movie–and you can see where life imitated art here. The film also has Chris Kattan, Jacqueline Bisset, and Leelee Sobeiski, all of whom probably worked for close to free on this very low-budget film. Here’s hoping they weren’t planning on a share of the profits. The big loss, though, is the chance to see young Katrina Bowden, who’s given us plenty more to admire since then–but we still want to see this movie.
Evan Rachel Wood in Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Carroll
We’ve seen a few movies about Alice in Wonderland author Lewis Carroll, and none of them have been particularly memorable–but we would’ve given Phantasmagoria a shot. That’s partly because this film was Marilyn Manson’s dream project, with him set to play Lewis Carroll. More importantly, Evan Rachel Wood was set to be in the movie. Technically, this movie isn’t unreleased. It’s possible that production never even started on it. We just want to say that now would be a great time to start it up again, because it hasn’t been creepy to lust after Evan Rachel Wood since 2005.