University of Oregon Campus Cops Made a “Bowl of D*ck$” List

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A lawsuit from a former University of Oregon campus police officer revealed that some of the officers compiled and organized a long “Bowl of Dicks” list when they should have been working.

According to the lawsuit, the officers working the late night shift would have a pre-shift briefing during which they discussed names that they might like to put on the “Bowl of Dicks” list. The list referred to famous celebrities, athletes and other people and things that should “go eat a bowl of dicks.” Of course, we’ve all got a list like that in our heads but these guys actually took the time to sit down and write one each day on their shift using the Notes app on the police lieutenant’s iPhone.

The list was entered into evidence as part of the lawsuit, and listed 225 names of people and things who could go do the aforementioned thing. There are a few expected names like Mel Gibson, Barry Bonds, and OJ Simpson. Furthermore, the list includes Grey’s Anatomy and ads on YouTube and items like “stupid softball rules,” “working UO football games,” “the inventor of the turtleneck,” and “Mick Jagger’s arm fat.” That last one is pretty good because it’s amusing to imagine Mick Jagger’s arm fat trying to eat anything.

The lawsuit alleges that the officers spent most of their time on their shift discussing the list over the dispatch radio, which means there must also be some hilarious recordings of police officers discussing their “dick” picks instead of stopping crimes. We found a full copy of the list and posted it below for your perusal. Feel free to add your own name in the comments. There are so many dicks already in the world that we’re sure they’ve could have listed them all if all that duty to public safety nonsense had gotten in the way of their true calling…

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