Norm Macdonald has been recruited by Funny or Die! to present this year’s Commencement Speech. Don’t bother asking who’s commencing to graduate. The important thing is that Norm Macdonald has advice for the graduating class of 2014. For example, don’t fidget with your keys over gratings. He says, “Members of the class of 2014, remember this if you remember anything: do not fiddle with your keys over a grating. Do not fiddle with your keys while walking on a bridge or a balcony, but especially something with openings–like a grating.”
This is the best advice that anyone could give to the future generation. No one wants to be that person who happens to drop their keys down a sewer. Or a grating or into anything, really. We’re surprised he didn’t bring up phones, though. The younger generation constantly has their phones in their hands. This would’ve been a good addition, but we shouldn’t really question the insight of Norm Macdonald. “Your keys are a sacred trust” is sacred advice, indeed.